Love Child... //Matty Healy (ON HOLD)

Chapter 57-

His hot breath, fanning across my neck wakes me. My eyes flutter open quickly, the hospital room comes into focus. Instantly reminding me where i am. And what's happened. Remembering she's now here. I close my eyes again, still feeling heavy and exhausted, but i fight against it. My attention falls down to my side where Matty's arm rests heavily on me. In a deep sleep. I keep my focus there. Until i can't bare it anymore. Him, touching me. The pain and discomfort hits me the second i try shifting myself from under him. But neither the pain or excitement of meeting the baby is hitting me more than the fact i know what he's done. I can see the evidence on his arm that was holding me. And now i feel nothing but sick. Sick to my stomach.

Everything's happened so soon. So unexpectedly. That i don't even know how i should be feeling right now. My mind is going into over drive. So much has happened, that i can't just stop and concentrate on one thing. I don't know what to do now. How to feel. And I'm left feeling terrified.

I manage to get myself sat up, without disturbing him. I turn back around, to look at him while he sleeps. Trying to get my head together. To try and understand him, and why he did it. But i instantly stop myself. Knowing I'll either lash out or break down. And I'm not mentally ready for any of that. Especially in front of him. I know i'm not ready to hear whatever excuse he has lined up. I'm not yet in a fit state to hear how all this has probably been an act. Pretending and acting to care for me. When all along, it was only the baby he was interested in.

Maybe they both planned it together? Maybe this is how it was always going to end. Them three. And then just me.

Maybe this was a set up. Because it's no secret Gemma is unable to have a child of her own.... Or can she? Why do i not remember much from before the accident? I feel like there's something in the back of my head, nagging at me. Something i need to remember about her. But i can't quite grasp it.

I guess in time I'll know what to do. When i can think straight and clearly. But until then, i need to just keep a straight face and play along too. Make sure he's non the wiser. Which also means i can't yet get too carried away, or even form a bond with the baby. Just in case. In case they have something else shoved up their sleeves to make sure they get her. I wouldn't put anything past either of them now.

I guess right now, all that matters is what's best for the baby.

I finally get to my feet slowly. Wincing and cursing under my breath from the pain down below. I need a shower. I need to get cleaned up and hopefully feel a little more like myself - my old self. I'm too scared to think of 'what next' The worst part about any of this, is I've suddenly just realized, i have no one here to talk to. Who i can trust......

The shower did absolutely nothing to help clear my mind. It only made me think more into what I'd rather not have stuck in my head. The doubt. The uncertainty on what's best now. For me. For her.

Maybe if i see her, it will put everything into perspective for me? Surely the second i latch eyes onto her, I'll know how i should be feeling? I'll know what to do and what's best for her. Who is best for her. Me or them.

I really should be texting Em and my mum to let them know she's arrived safely and all is well. But my phone is in my hospital room. And i fear going back in there in case he's woken up. I'm not yet ready to plant a fake smile across my face and act as though all is great. Pretending to be unaware of their plot. I'm too tired and emotional for their games.

Seems i only have myself now. I have to figure all this out on my own.

A midwife at reception gives me directions to the premature baby unit, and explains to me that she's stable and she's doing great. I nod my thanks, already having to fake a smile and act excited about meeting her. But inside I'm petrified. Petrified about seeing her. What if i fall in love with her, but then have to give her up? What if i see her, and feel how I'm feeling now? ... Absolutely nothing?

I slow my pace down when her room comes into view. Taking in a few deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart down.

I don't want to do this. But i know i have to.

I have to figure out how i feel and what's best to do.

I reach my hand out for the handle of the closed door. My hand trembles as my hand grabs it. But voices suddenly sound from the inside, stopping me.

A window to the room, catches my attention at the side of the door. I quickly make my way to it.

.... Matty's already in there. Holding her in his arms.

My body suddenly relaxes. The sight of them both strangely calms me. Until....

"You wanna hold her?" He asks, looking to the side of him with a smile. My eyes follow. And my heart sinks.

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Hi.

Not checked yet. It's rushed. So bare with.

Not much going on. And It's a small chapter but It's going to get interesting again shortly so... They'll be a lot going on.

Going to put the next chapter on in like an hour or so cause i already have it ready :) xXx