Love Child... //Matty Healy (ON HOLD)

Chapter 50-

Three texts.

*I need to know if you're coming Matty x*

I sigh. Scrolling down to read the others.

*My appointments in half an hour, please come with me :)*

*This is your child too. You should be here for the scan! xxx*

I flick the tab end towards the wall. Blowing out the smoke, i hit reply.

*I can't. I'm sorry. Let me know how it goes though*

I can't leave Ellise here, I just can't.

Guilt hits. Frustration kicking in. What the fuck am i supposed to do? How the hell am i supposed to be in two places at once? It's impossible.

It's like I'm living two separate lives. With a different girl in each of them. Some would think that's living the life of someone lucky. A dream. Best of both worlds.

But this isn't luck. No one should want the life i have. This is hell. This is me, down to a tee.... A screw up. Who only ever does wrong.

Both of these girls need me right now. Because I'm the one that's put them where they both are now. In the situation's they're in. Both pregnant. Both expecting me to do the right thing and just be there for them. To stand my them, support them and take care of them.

But how can i?

One is just about to go see our child for the very first time. While the other is inside this hospital, fighting for both her own, and our child's life.

*Pls Matthew. I can't do this on my own. I need your support*

Why either of them still want anything to do with me, baffles me. They both know about each other. They both know what I've done. Yet they both still expect and believe i can do what's best for each of them.

I shouldn't be here. they both deserve better.

They deserve someone who can be there for both of them, and the kids. Because i can't. It's just not do-able. I can't be there for one, and not the other.

I stare into the entrance of the hospital. Debating with myself on what to do.

Ellise wouldn't be in there if it wasn't for me.

She should never have met me that night in the club. I shouldn't of done what i did.

I know that. And I'm sure Ellise agree's. Yet i don't regret it. Any of it. Because she's amazing. And I'm sure our little girl will be too.

But they don't deserve a screw up like me in their lives. They deserve far better. And I'm sure they'll both find it. As long as I'm not around. Screwing anything else up for them.

"Matty?" Gemma's voice behind me brings me out of my thoughts. My forward thinking on what to do.

I turn, my expression blank.

"I'm so glad you decided to come" She smiles up at me, hopeful.

I wipe the water from my eyes before she stands directly in front of me. I don't know what to say to her. I know what i should be telling her. I should be telling her what i should be telling Ell. That I'm going to do what's best, and stay away from now on. So everything will get better.

But my mind is blank. I just feel numb.

"Shall we go in?" She nods towards the doors and links her arm through mine. That smile still plastered across her face.

Again, i keep quiet. Knowing exactly what i should be saying, but it's like it's refusing to come out.

I allow her to walk, pulling me along at the side of her.