Love Child... //Matty Healy (ON HOLD)

Chapter 53-

I creep towards the door. Peeking around the wall to get a glimpse of how she looks. She lays there. Propped up on pillows. Eyes open. Staring off into space. She looks calm, peaceful, but as though she's in full thought.

I don't even know what to say to her. There's so many things i need to tell her. I should be in there, apologizing first. I don't even know if she's going to remember what happened. And i don't think i can face re-living it all again to explain.

I stay stood behind the door. Not making it known to her that I've arrived yet. My eyes stay on her through the small glass window on the door. Not even knowing how i feel anymore. Not knowing how i should be feeling. Not allowing the happiness to take over me. How can i? I have to go in there and tell her exactly what I've done. Explain that once again, I've fucked up. And I've thrown everything away before we even had a decent chance of being something.

She yawns, tilting her head back with her eyes closed. It randomly makes me chuckle quietly. She's slept now for weeks, yet here she is, still exhausted. But then it makes me feel as though it's a sign for me that she's already sick and tired of me and all my constant shit.

Her head suddenly snaps over in this direction. Like she sensed someone was here, watching her. She freezes. In shock. Her eyes wide. My eyes quickly find and lock onto hers. Both staring at each other for a few short seconds, before a content look spreads across her face.

I force a smile back to her in return as i slowly push the door open. Fear written all over my face and stinking of guilt.

I stop, just before i reach the bed. The smile drops from her face and she throws me a confused glance. I drop my head, frantically racking my brain for something to say to her. Anything at all....

But guilt is attacking me.

"Hey" I whisper. Not yet able to face looking at her.

I feel her eyes on me. Studying me. I can sense the panic from her. Yet i can't find the words to comfort her. I can't lie to her and make out everything is okay... Because everything is fucked up. I've ruined everything because of one drunken mistake. A mistake i know i have to face up to because Gem won't let me forget.

"What's wrong?" Her voice comes out croaky and frail. She clears her throat, and tries again. But it comes out the same. "I sound like I've been electrocuted" She points to her throat and giggles.

Some of the tension in me eases up a little. Just from hearing her laughter. But i know i don't deserve to feel at ease. I know i have to tell her, and now. Before i chicken out and give Gemma the opportunity to hurt Ell. It has to come from me.

Not that that is going to make it anyway better, or easier for her to handle.

"Hey" She whispers before reaching her hand out for mine. "Are you-"

She's cut off when a nurse barges her way through the door. Like I'm not already on edge... The noise of the door banging as it opens, causes me to practically jump out of my skin. "Morning people. How you feeling today?" She practically shouts in an overly annoying, over the top cheery mood.