restart// 5SOS

57

Alyssa

"Dad I am not comfy,"

"I am sorry, sweetheart. I'm trying my best,"

"I'm gonna go and make myself some cereal because I am hungry,"

"I will come and help,"

"I can do stuff on my own, dad!"

"Alright, go on then,"

"Thank you,"

I went downstairs and turned the kitchen light on, getting myself a bowl out the cupboard. Dad didn't get the nice chocolate cereal, though I was sure I could convince him using my shoulder.

When I got the milk, I saw a fridge full of cooked meals that Calum had left. Dad said I needed loads of nutrients and that Calum knew how to cook loads of food that hid all the food I hated so you couldn't taste it. Apparently he cooked for Gabi, but I still didn't like to think about Gabi after what she said.

I tried to undo the milk, but it flung across the counter and spilt a bit before I picked it up, then I dropped it in the bowl and quite literally just burst into tears. All I wanted was to be able to make my own cereal.

"What happened? Oh,"

"Go away,"

"No," he said, making me a new bowl of cereal, "Sit down, eat that,"

"Fine,"

"I know it's frustrating and you are really tired, but please don't get mad at me for trying to help. It's okay to need help, you will eventually get your independence back,"

"Sorry,"

"It's alright. I think we should try some sleeping medicine,"

"I don't want loads of medicine,"

"I know darling, but you need to sleep,"

"This is all not fair,"

He didn't argue with that, so I ate my cereal and we went back to my bed, where I reluctantly took the medicine.
Obviously, it worked.

Dad was still asleep next to me when I woke up, so I carefully climbed out of bed to go to the toilet. When I got back, I saw a note Axel had left telling me to have a good day and that he went to school with June, so I got back in bed and went on my phone.

I felt a bit bad- he always used to look after me like this and I didn't want him getting into the habit again. He should've woken dad up instead of having to find his own way to school.

Too much had reminded me of my past lately.

"Dad, can you wake up?"

"Hm?"

"Can you wake up I think I'm gonna panic,"

"What's wrong?"

"Axel went to school by himself,"

"Crap, I overslept?"

"I think I'm gonna panic," I said, my voice wobbling.

This is how it had been the last few days.
I was fine.
Then something felt off. Something reminded me of the past or it made me feel the same things something else had made me feel in the past.

And my stomach started to hurt, and my chest felt tight, and I felt like crying (though I wasn't sure any day had gone without crying since moving here). At first I had got really mad when dad tried to comfort me, and I got scared if someone touched me or got close to me. As it happened more throughout my hospital stay, I learnt to let him comfort me because it did make me feel better.

"Hey, what's happened?"

"He went on his own,"

"He went with June," he said, picking the note up, "So he will be safe and sound. We will pick him up,"

"He should've woken you up but he always looked after me in the old home and he thinks he has to do it all alone again,"

"He didn't go alone, he went with your friends which was probably more fun! He's okay, he probably heard us last night and thought he would let us sleep in,"

"Okay,"

"But I will remind him he can ask me for everything he needs,"

"Thank you,"

"That's alright,"

"I'm sorry. I don't want him to feel like he has to look after me like he used to,"

"You don't have anything to apologise for,"

"I'm getting more and more hard to deal with though, aren't I?"

"Not at all,"

"But I am all stressed,"

"Well you're gonna talk to someone about handling that! Yeah?"

"A lady,"

"Yep, it's a lady,"

"Good. I'm sick of this. I'm so sick of feeling like there's constantly a weight sat on my chest," I sniffed, "I have happy memories here though, I do. You don't make me sad,"

"I know it's nothing like that,"

"Good,"

"We're gonna make lots more happy memories. We're gonna go to concerts, see movies, have barbecues, go swimming, go exploring. Once you're both adopted we are gonna sort out passports and go on a holiday... and of course we can have fun here at home too,"

"I enjoy it when we just watch a movie,"

"I'm really glad you enjoy that, because me too," he smiled, "I love getting to live and love and grow with you two, in a peaceful way, just as much as doing something fun,"

"Yeah. I got pretty lucky,"

"I did too,"