restart// 5SOS

6

Alyssa

"I'm fed up of this sling,"

"You gotta keep it for a little longer, but you didn't cry! Wanna go and get food?"

"No,"

"Okay,"

"It's not a celebration that I didn't cry. I shouldn't have to do all of this, and be in a position where I have to try not to cry,"

"You're right,"

"My shoulder should be fine and I should have my brother, and ideally I should have my parents,"

"I'm sorry,"

It wasn't Ashton's fault, but I felt so much anger burning inside of me. It hurt my chest, and made my skin prickle, and the leftover anxiety from the appointment was making me overheat.

I wanted my family back, my cousins and my brother, not these strangers. Everyone was a stranger. Everything here was new and strange.

"It is a celebration that your shoulder is healing,"

"It's not fair,"

"It's not,"

"They put screws in my shoulder,"

"Yeah, you're doing a great job looking after it,"

"They put screws in me," I cried, "And I got burnt, and they took my brother, and I'm so miserable. So miserable that I couldn't even brush my hair and a stranger had to help me,"

"Yeah... you went through a lot. Is this the first time you have maybe thought about it all properly?"

"I've thought about it a lot but I never told someone,"

"I am really sorry that you went through that, and that you're still suffering from your injuries,"

"Whatever,"

"Let's get you home, we can order something in. These things are tough,"

"Maybe we can wait an hour and see if I can eat out,"

"That sounds like a good plan. You did really well in there, and we got some positive news. I know it doesn't feel that good right now but it is good news,"

"I thought you weren't a shoulder doctor,"

"I know when it's good news," he said, pulling a tissue from his pocket, "Here, let's get home,"

On the way back, I dried my eyes and watched out the window, looking at all the fancy houses again. Everyones lawns were cut, and their fences were painted. Some even had flowers like Ashton. I felt lucky I got the chance to maybe make this my new life, even though I wasn't exactly feeling super happy right now.

When we got back, I thought I wanted some alone time, so I went to my room and changed into my pyjamas. The last month, if I was upset I wanted to be alone.
But suddenly I wanted company. Nothing loud, minimal talking, but to know someone was there.

I went back downstairs and picked up the same blanket from the sofa as yesterday, then sat next to Ashton, closing my eyes.

"Your house smells nice,"

"Thank you,"

"I like it here. It's very calming, I can't wait to actually feel calm,"

"What can I do to help you feel calm?"

"You can't, one day I just will,"

"Right,"

"As of right now I am trying to be calm,"