Cinnamon Girl

20- Born To Die

AUTHOR- FAVOURITE PHOTOSHOOT EVER😮‍💨

Lando dropped me off at the airport and hour later. I didn't tell him about what had happened with Charles earlier, but I think my bloodshot eyes told him what he needed to know. He didn't ask questions though as we just sat there together in a comfortable silence with an occasional dumb joke from him.

I boarded the plane, got off, got a taxi home and climbed into my bed.

I tried to push any thoughts of Charles aside, but I couldn't push aside the uneasy feeling in my stomach, the emptiness I felt. This is exactly why I don't like getting attached, I mean I didn't even date the guy but this 'breakup' with him made me feel worse than any real breakup i've had with a guy.

I need to to focus on my career and not let in stupid men who will just get in the way.

Everything that has happened this past week and i've managed to end up in the same position I was before I left for Italy. The same boring, single, empty life.

However, one change is that I think now I finally have the inspiration to finally write an album, so I message Allen and he tells me to come into the studio first thing tomorrow.

I pull out my notebook and spill out every thought i've had since meeting Charles, every encounter, every touch, every kiss, every argument, every look. Charles is the only thing on my mind but writing it all down, gives me the clarity to let him go. The chance to let him free from my mind.

The next day, I shower, do my skincare, get dressed, put on some makeup, and leave the apartment. The same morning as every other one.

I eventually get to the studio and greet Allen. It's time to get to business.

"Right let's see what you've managed to come up in that little magical notebook of yours" Allen says with a warm smile as we sit down in his office.

My little magical notebook is one of my most precious items, the thing i've kept treasure for years, every thought, every feeling i've had in my life is in there.
It's basically my mind on paper, like a diary that's soon to be turned public.

I pass him the notebook, uneasily, I feel nervous. I've never felt nervous, and Allen has read every word in there but this time I feel exposed, like he's reading something he shouldn't. Allen knows everything possible about me, everything but Charles. It feels wrong.

I sit there impatiently tapping my fingers against my legs as he flicks through the pages. I feel suffocated, i've never told anyone my true feelings towards Charles, no one. Part of me wants him to tell me, that the lyrics don't click, that they aren't right. I almost want my feelings to be invalidated, to be told they're wrong.
That Charles is wrong.

"I think this could be the best album yet."

"What?" I snap my head towards Allen, I don't think I had that right, I been I had been zoned out for the last 5 minutes.

"These lyrics, they're raw, honest, right from you're heart." Allen replies, still reading through the pages.

"Oh" Is all I can manage to get out.

Right from you're heart

"I mean they're about Hector right?"

Hector.
He thinks there about Hector.

The man I haven't given a single thought since, well I can't even remember the last time I thought about him.

"Oh yeah, erm basically" I splutter.