I know.

Thirty One

"Just one more episode. Please Fin." I begged, wrapping myself around his arm in the hopes of keeping him here forever.

"Baby. I can't. It's already going to be nearly 1am by the time I get back down there." He climbed back onto the bed, wrapping his free arm around me tightly. "I really can't wait any longer Rory. I don't want to go. I really really wish I could stay. But if I don't go now, I won't make practice in the morning and I'll be in shit then and that could cause problems in me getting a space at Giants." He kissed my forehead quickly, then again, and a third time, lingering a little longer before pulling back. "Come down stairs." His hand appeared before me and I tugged the sleeves of his jumper up taking it and climbing out of bed carefully. "Okay, let's go over it again Rory. When am I back?"

"The 26th of May. For 4 nights." He nodded, holding my hand tight as he walked down the hall.

"Mhm. When am I going to call you?"

"8pm every night apart from game nights where you'll call me before."

"Good. I'll text you every morning."

"And I have to text you before I sleep."

"Every night Ror."

"Every night." I nodded. He patted his pockets as we reached the front door. Turning around and tilting his head at me.

"Send me at least 1 selfie a day." His hand palmed my cheek, thumb sweeping over me gently. "tell me if you're having a bad day. If you miss me really bad just send me a sad face. Go with Gus to watch the games. I promise it'll help."

"What if it doesn't?" He sighed, putting his other hand on my other cheek.

"It will Ror. I'll know you're watching. Text me and I'll see it at half time when I can check my phone. I'll give you a little sign, just for you. In the camera so you'll see it." He pressed his lips against my forehead again.

I knew this was going to hurt. We'd spoken about it in detail. How hard it was going to be for both of us after what felt like forever of us being back together. We'd cried over it. Spoken about how we could help from the hundreds of miles that would be between us. How to support each other so this could work and when he came back in 6 weeks we'd be okay still. But I didn't know that saying goodbye was going to hurt my heart almost as bad as it had been watching him leave the first time. It wasn't aching. It was hurting. Like it was a plaster being ripped off in the most agonizing way.

"I'll be back before we know it." His words mumbled over my head and I closed my eyes, the first of what I was sure would be many tears falling down my cheeks.

"Fin?"

"Yes angel."

"Promise you won't find someone else before you come back." He sighed, wrapping his arms around me until I was pressed into his chest. "Please."

"I promise, I'm not going to find someone else Rory. I'm going to come back here in May and I'll hug you like this and I'll sleep with you wrapped around me again and everything will be perfect." He sniffed, pulling back and holding my face in both his hands. His eyes were bloodshot, glistening with tears that matched mine and I suddenly felt a whole lot less stupid. "Don't cry Ror, because this is hard enough as it is and if you cry I don't know how I'm going to make it out of this door tonight."

"Then you need to go now." I smiled, standing up on my tip toes until my lips hit his, kissing him as best as I could but it was a mess. Hot and wet and sad. I sniffled, trying my best to fight the tears but my vision was so blurry I couldn't hold them back any more. I sunk my feet back to the floor and forced a smile as he wiped my eyes gently. "Keep out of any other bakeries down there."

"I wouldn't dare. No one beats your treats anyway." I choked on a laugh, pressing his hands into me and squeezing my lips together, taking a deep breath and stepping out of his hold, pulling the door open.

"You need to go."

"But now I don't want to."

"You need to Fin." I pushed him onto the door step. I looked at the time and chuckled, shaking my head and sighing at him.

"What?"

"You know a week ago today, right now. To the damn minute you were here pushing your way in, telling me I'm a bad Christian for not letting you in." He chuckled. "The irony isn't lost on me that a week after I didn't want you here, I now don't want you to leave." He smiled.

"I should have just kissed you then. Saved us the trouble."

"What of the 3 extra days?"

"Yeah. 3 extra days I could have been holding you."

"Pretty sure it would be hurting more right now if you did." He squeezed his lips tight. "Okay you need to go or you're not going to sleep and you'll be a mess for training and you'll get booted from the team." I grabbed his tee-shirt, wrapping my hand around it in the centre of his chest and pulling him in for the best kiss I could muster. Making sure I gave him more than I ever had, pushing every drop of energy I had left into this one moment. Wanting to leave his head spinning. So, he didn't realize what had happened until he was almost home and couldn't come back. So, the entire time he was there, he was thinking about me doing this again. I let go before he could respond, pushing him so he stood up and I stepped back. "Go."

"Um." His face flushed red. "I - uh."

"Fin?"

"Hm?"

"I'll see you in 6 weeks."

"But Um." I smiled.

"Don't crash."

"I won't."

"Drive safe. Text me when you get home please."

"Yeah." He walked down the stairs and I could see his brain frying. He turned as he pulled his car door open. "RORY!"

"What?"

"I like you. A lot. Like a lot a lot."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Hm." I nodded, smiling at him as he just looked more confused. "Funny because I was going to tell you I love you." His smile vanished, taking a step forward. "Don't Fin." I held a hand up to tell him to stop. "You come back up these stairs and I won't be able to let you go right now. You need to get in your car and go back to London."

"6 weeks."

"6 weeks." I nodded. "May 26th. I'll have some doughnuts ready for you." He smiled, blew me a kiss and got in his car, slamming the door closed. It stayed silent for a few seconds before the engine roared and I watched him leave, coming inside and closing the door as soon as his front wheels were out of my driveway.

I managed to hold it together. Blurry vision and tear covered eyelashes aside, I was able to get myself a glass of water and turn out the lights, heading back up the stairs in my empty, way too quiet house, crawling into my side of the bed, burying myself under the duvet. I wiped my eyes dry, hitting play on another episode of Gilmore Girls, grabbing my phone from the side, hoping to check in on the messages I'd missed this weekend.

10:17pm- Lamppost<3
I love you too Rory x

So much for me holding it together. I pulled his hood over my head, laying back as I blubbed.

6 weeks.

47 days.

That's it.

I can do 47 days.

We found our ways back to each other after 3,650. 47 is nothing.

12:47am- Me
46 days x