I know.

Nine

"So, you come here often if they know your order then." I chuckled, turning in my seat to face him.

"Every single Sunday. You'll get it when you taste the food, trust me. It's like next level."

"Oh good, I was expecting to be brought to some mediocre breakfast spot you found on google 20 minutes ago."

"30 minutes ago, give me some credit," I gave him a little laugh. "So, how's the bakery going?"

"We are going," I nodded. "It's hard in such a small town though you know? I love Waterside, so much. But it's so small. I'm just about scraping a profit."

"Rough." I nodded.

"How about you Mr. Reporter? How's life behind the screen work?" He smiled, resting his hand on my knee as he talked about his job with an undying passion. If a man ever spoke about me with half the amount of love Jamie spoke about his job, I'd be satisfied. He took me through his job, step by step, from getting up at 4am, to getting him at 12 and having the rest of his day to do whatever he pleased. He went on to say he'd love to come home on his afternoons off and now that he had a reason, meaning me I guess, he would do. It was only a 40 minute drive from Milborough to home. The closest city to our little village. I came up here twice a month to buy stuff for the bakery, bulk buying my ingredients.

"You don't have to come back home just to see me Jamie. I'm always busy at the bakery anyway. That or helping around town."

"Well, I'd rather be following you around than sat on my sofa staring at a TV screen. Save me from my own boredom. Please? I know you can't say no to someone in need."

"You are not in need."

"Oh I am." He nodded dramatically. "Desperate need."

"To follow me around on errands and watch me baking pastries? I'm sure."

"Yep. I don't know how to bake."

"What do you mean you don't know how to bake? Not even like a box mix?"

"Nope."

"The instructions are literally on the packet."

"I can't do it. It always comes out burned on top and liquid in the middle or like rubber. I've tried dozens of times." I laughed at him.

"I need to see this for myself. I'll buy you a cake mix and you can make it for me whilst I watch."

"Done. Second date is baking."

"Eager."

"Determined." Things went a little quiet as out food was placed in front of us both, not wanting to be rude I didn't want to break it in case he preferred the silence. "Have you spoken to Piper?"

"She'll be just about getting to her hotel so not yet. I'm sure she'll send me a million photos as soon as she gets the chance." He nodded.

"Is it weird now? Not having her around?"

"I mean, I was too drunk last night to realise she wasn't there. But her not being next to Zoe on the pew this morning was weird."

"You girls have been going for years right?"

"Since we were old enough to be in Sunday school so like 5 or so, yeah."

"Jeez." I nodded. "You a strong believer then?" I shrugged.

"Honestly, it's been a rough few years."

"After your parents?"

"Yeah." I nodded again grabbing my glass and turning my chair slightly. "Are you?"

"Not even a little."

"But you came this morning."

"I know." He smiled. "I don't half arse when I'm dating someone. You enjoy something, I want to experience it too." Call me naïve but that is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me in my whole darn life. "Why's it been hard then?" I took in a deep breath finishing the food in my mouth before taking a sip of my drink. Giving myself time to answer and think about how I wanted to phrase it.

"So, the whole thing with Christianity, especially, as a religion is God has a plan for you right? Follow the commandments, be a good Christian, be a good person and you go to heaven after a long happy life. That's the whole spiel when narrowed down."

"Mhm."

"Well, what I just cannot wrap my head around is where in the plan was me losing my parents, Pip losing her leg, me being in a 3 month coma. Why was that necessary? Like, my parents were the most devout Christians, everyone in town knows that. Never did wrong by anyone, neither did we. Me and Piper. I never even snuck out the house as a teenager out of fear of upsetting the power that is you know? But nonetheless, the crash happened and everything else. But then when I'm sat here doubting my faith for the past 6 years, how is that part of the plan too? If everything is part of his plan for me, then he's planned for me to not believe in a god. But how does that work in his favour?"

"That's a really good question." I could see it ticking over in his brain as I finished my food. "His whole thing is believe in god or go to hell too so if his plan was for you to stop believing is he just wanting you to go to hell?"

"Exactly! And it's not like I'm not still doing these things you know, that make me a supposed 'good Christian'. I still go to church, I still pray, I still read the bible, follow everything I was taught as a kid. But every week after the sermon, Zoe looks at me to see if it made any sense and it never does."

"So, you're just going in the hopes that something is said that flicks that switch back on?"

"I guess."

"What if that never happens for you?" I raised an eyebrow. "Like, what if you go to church every Sunday for the rest of your life. Easter, Christmas, Ash Wednesday or whatever else. But you never have that spark moment that tells you it is real?"

"Then I just wasted every Sunday of my life when I could have been sleeping." He chuckled. "I don't know what else to do though. Mum always said she'd had periods like this. In the past when we talked about it. She always said it would go and she'd doubt but then one day, it all just clicked again for her. I've been doing this my whole life. As bizarre as it sounds, I don't know what to do if this isn't in it. Maybe that's why I'm holding onto it. God this got dark huh?"

"No, it's good. It's interesting to see your point of view on it all."

"What's yours?"

"My point of view?"

"Yeah."

"That it's a book with the biggest fan club in the world." I laughed. Loud enough to draw attention from nearby tables which in turn made Jamie chuckle at me too. "What?"

"It's so true. I've never heard it put like that before."

"You know when you read a book sometimes. Like a fantasy book with dragons and witches and magic and whatever else. You get sucked into the world right, like you believe your living in this fictional world? That is exactly what the bible is. Millions of people for centuries reading a book, liking it so much they got sucked into the world and believe they're living it as a secondary character. And by the sounds of it, you had this shock of reality, the real world and you took a while to just look around and were like, well, this isn't that fantasy world where some guy turns water to wine or walks on water."

"Parts an entire sea."

"Exactly." He nodded. "I'll keep coming with you on a Sunday if you want. We can drive up here after or do whatever. But if you want someone else whilst you work it out, I'm here. I don't mind watching you for a few hours. I enjoyed it today." I laughed at him, turning my head down to my plate. "I just realised how creepy that sounded. I swear I'm not a stalker."