I know.

Nineteen

I sighed deeply, tucking my shirt into my jeans in the mirror. Quickest shower known to man. Yet I'd still sat on my bed, wrapped in a towel staring at the closed door like I was expecting it to shape shift into something interesting.

He nearly kissed me.

That's all I could think about right now. I couldn't even put the words onto my tongue and spit them out. Lord knows I couldn't tell Zoe. She would blow this well out of proportion. And it came from nowhere. Literally nowhere. I didn't have a single sign that he was going to do that.

And what was up with me not moving? What was that? Every inch of me should have been fighting against that. I should have been telling him to stop. I should have laughed, wriggled until he put me down. Literally anything but no. I stayed still. I took his breath over my face and I swear, I could still smell all of him, covering me entirely. Like the smell of his sweat and after shave and the sweet smell of the protein shake I knew he'd had was just hovering around me. I was suffocating in it.

Then he said he wanted a rematch? Is that code for him to do it again or something?

I have no idea how I managed to stay so collected when I heard August shouting us. How I found the ability to push myself out of his grasp, to nail the basket. Not when I was shaking as hard as I was. I couldn't breathe. He hadn't even done it and somehow he'd left me in more of a mess than anyone I'd ever kissed or done anything else with. I wasn't new to it. I'd had my fun in uni, though my parents would kill me if they'd known. But whatever that was with Griffin today was different. Massively different.

I turned my head to the door, hearing a quick 3 knocks on the front door. I knew Zoe would get it but I was still curious as to who it was. I couldn't hear their voice from here but I could hear Zoe talking to them. I grabbed my jacket and bag off my bed, tugging them on quickly and leaving my bedroom. I couldn't keep everyone waiting too much longer or they'd come to check on me and if anyone looked at me in the right way, asked me if I was sure I was okay, I think I might crack.

I slowly trudged down the stairs, stopping half way down as Zoe turned to face me, confused smile on her face.

"Who was at the door?" I clipped my necklace around my neck, feet hitting the lower level of the house and stopping when I couldn't get the damn clasp right.

"I've got it." I spun around, bright smile being the first thing I saw.

"Jamie."

"Hey. Turn around, let me help." I did so slowly, eyes meeting Zoe's. I get the confused smile now.

"I told you not to come."

"Yeah well I thought I could come for a few hours. I'm a dab hand at pub quizzes. Maybe I could get our team a little win." The necklace fell loose on my neck and he spun me around, lifting my chin and placing a quick kiss on my lips. "Plus, I wanted to see you." I held onto my necklace, staring into his eyes. Whatever I had felt the last time I was this close to him, was now gone completely. The kiss leaving me feeling as important as a white crayon. "You don't look happy?"

"Sorry. Just a shock is all. I wasn't expecting you." I forced out a smile. "We should go. Don't want to miss anything." He nodded. "Zoe, can you check the back door, I'm just going to lock up the dining room window. Can you wait outside Jamie? I've got the security code to set is all."

"Of course." He nodded quickly. "I got you some flowers beautiful. Zoe put them in the kitchen."

"That's so sweet of you. I'll have a look." He smiled, turning and walking out of the house and I immediately turned to Zoe. "What the fuck?"

"You swear you didn't invite him?"

"Swear! After he spoke to me like that last night. And that kiss was so limp. How the hell do I call this off Zoe?" She shrugged. "Oh yeah, great help, thanks." I poked my head into the kitchen. Red and white roses littered with baby's breath sat in one of my vases.

"I put them in the vase. They're pretty."

"Mhm." I sighed.

"Come on let's get to the pub." Zoe pulled on my arm until I gave in, turning around and heading out of the house, turning on the security alarm that we never used, but I'd told Jamie I was setting it so I couldn't exactly not. Not when the beeping was so obvious.

It was a slightly awkward walk down to the pub. Jamie's arm wrapped around me, sitting on my hip like he'd done before when we'd been out. The second we got there I ordered myself a double gin, putting my phone on the reader before Jamie had the chance to offer. I saw his brow furrow slightly, pulling me closer into him as we watched the drinks being made.

"I should be paying for this Rory." His lips brushed against my ear, hand moving around the front of my hips, venturing a little further south before I sucked in a sharp breath, grabbing my gin the second it was placed down and moving out of his hold.

"I think they're outside." I ducked through the crowd, into the beer garden at the back of the large room. They'd decorated out here with space heaters and a million fairy lights so it was comfortably warm and cute on a night. The speakers meant we could still hear the quiz starting but we were a little out of the way too. Right now, I needed out of the way. We'd go inside when the quiz was about half hour away, order a collection of appetizers to share and eat whilst we quizzed.

"Over here Ror!" I turned my head, giving Gus a small smile before rushing over and sinking in beside him. "You're in a rush tonight. Where's Zoe?"

"Not a clue. Jamie showed up though."

"Henderson? Oh cool-"

"He wasn't invited and just tried to feel me up at the bar. Keep your mouth shut." Gus' eyes widened as I took a big gulp of my drink. "Do not let him take me home Gus."

"I won't." He shook his head. "Me or Griff will take you back." Fuck's sake. Fin couldn't take me back either. My god, what a mess this was turning out to be. I can't even fight against it either because they'd think something was wrong. ARGH.