Russian Roulette: Flashbacks [male x male]

Ch. 67: Can't we just forget all this?

Then

So, Tuesday was his day to die.

The loud sound echoed off the concrete and seemed as if it would never end. Phoenix had not moved, had not breathed. He had accepted his fate and waited for the pain. Pain had never registered with him before, but a mortal wound, dying, he would feel, right?

When the sound had faded, the faint rustling of concrete dust falling to the ground sounded beside him, and everything in Phoenix wanted to turn to look, but he did not take his eyes off the barrel of a gun, staring straight at him. The man's hand trembled, and his finger on the trigger looked ready to squeeze another charge out of the gun. Phoenix had felt the bullet when it passed him and went into the wall, but not realized it had not hit him.

"You would really die for him?" the man stammered, looking shocked with wide eyes and shallow gasps. His hand shook, and he kept the gun up between them, almost as a shield from the truth. "Give up your life rather than give up him?"

Phoenix cleared his throat, because as stoic as he might look on the outside, as shaken he was inside. He had literally dodged a bullet. There was no saying if he would get a second chance.

"I could never give up Jace for you or anyone. I love him, and that's my choice." Phoenix shrugged lightly, knowing he should not make too sudden moves with the gun still pointed at him. The man might have missed the first time, on purpose or not, and Phoenix knew how easily one could pull the trigger if surprised. "Of all people, you should know what you feel is your choice, despite what the other feels."

Maybe putting in that jab was unwise, but they both had feelings for someone and would keep those, no matter what. In that they were alike, though Phoenix hoped he had handled his feelings a tad better. He knew in his heart he would have backed off Jace, if Jace had asked, and he would have wallowed in self-pity for the rest of his miserable existence, but Jace's quality of life mattered more to him than his own. He would have let Jace roam free to find his happiness, but never given up on Jace. And that was where he and the man differed.

"I know," the man answered and let his arm fall, dropping the gun to the floor with a loud clank. His hand still trembled, as did the rest of him. His shoulders hunched, and all the power and confidence he had displayed earlier left him. Slowly, he fell to his knees and leaned on his hands in front of him. "Once. Be with me once."

Deep down, Phoenix wished he could do it if only to prove they were not a match, but he could never betray his feelings for Jace. The mere thought made his balls crawl into hiding and his cock shrivel up. "You know I can't," he said with sincerity in a low and understanding voice.

Phoenix waited in silence, watching a myriad of emotions cross the man's face. Confusion, sadness, defeat, hurt, desperation. At that moment, Phoenix felt sorry for the man. His heart hammered with painful thumps in his chest, because he understood that level of heartache. Delusional or not, unrequited love hurt, and Phoenix knew better than most what it was like to wait for something seemingly impossible. Dreaming every day for those wishes to come true, to be deemed good enough, and get granted that ticket to the holy land. Yes, he understood, and it pained him to know he was the cause of someone's pain.

"I'm sorry..." Phoenix whispered in a show of compassion.

All those emotions from before swirled in the man's wet eyes and culminated in a tornado of something that looked impossible to handle. Then anger and vengeance surfaced to cover everything else like an eclipse, and only darkness was left. The wheels of his mind looked to work overtime in correlation with the darkness.