Russian Roulette: Flashbacks [male x male]

Ch. 25: I might. I'm not sure. I think so.

Then

"You're in a surprisingly good mood, my friend," Gareth stated with a smile and looked at Phoenix over the rim of his whiskey glass from his seat.

"I guess? It's been a great week. We've wrapped up two deals, the negotiations with that weirdo in Canada are going well, and I found somebody to clean my apartment for me."

The cleaning help was probably the best part of the things Phoenix had mentioned. It was a sub from the club who Packard had mentioned needed a bit of extra cash, so Phoenix had agreed without knowing who it was. If Packard could vouch for people, that was good enough for him. Packard had arranged for a job interview with the guy later, so Phoenix had to get Gareth out at some point without being rude.

"True," Gareth agreed with a nod. "But are you sure it has nothing to do with the fact that since you went into self-isolation, you've only received a Christmas present and nothing else from that stalker? It seems to work."

"That might be a part of it too. But I can't live like a hermit here for the rest of my life."

It might be a part of it, but the real reason he could never tell Gareth. There was no chance he could expose that the reason for his amazing mood and borderline agreeable behavior was because of Jace. To the fact that he had not only found the sub he wanted but gotten that amazing man to agree to be his. Nothing could bring him down, not even the fact that their scheduled meeting had been canceled because of the man sitting across from him in his apartment office.

Gareth had called in people for an assignment, and Jace had been one of them. It was not like Gareth had done it on purpose, Phoenix had a full understanding of that. It was Jace's job to do what Gareth wanted, and that they both had to accept. Though it had hurt him how afraid Jace had been when he had called to inform Phoenix about it. Jace had actually feared that he would get punished for not showing up. Like Phoenix would ever punish Jace for something like that. It was force majeure, not an active choice or a dumb mistake made by Jace that could have required a reprimand. That instinctive reaction was clearly left-over anxiety from Jace's past, and something Phoenix needed to handle delicately.

Phoenix had made a complex spreadsheet to plot in everything Jace-related. He had put in everything he knew about Jace from their training together. What Jace had confided in him, as well as every reaction Jace had given to what they had shared.

Good and bad.

The spreadsheet out-mapped Jace as a whole and gave Phoenix an idea of where there were holes he needed to have filled with information, and where he had an already established trauma that needed to be addressed and hopefully healed through positive actions. It showed him Jace's sexuality and personality, which allowed him to anticipate pitfalls he could encounter during scenes. It also showed him which of those pitfalls he would have to look out for outside of the scenes, as everyday life could trigger Jace too.

It was a great guideline and a piece of intricate work with all the crossover information in the different categories. And it had taken a shitload of time to make, but it seemed to be worth it because when Jace had called a few days later to tell him about the assignment and his possible return date, Phoenix had recalled the details in the spreadsheet and deciphered through Jace's trigger words, that what Jace had really needed was confirmation that he would not be in trouble when he got back.

When they met next, he needed to make sure that Jace truly understood that real life came first. His obligations to Gareth and his career would never be an issue with Phoenix and never be something to be dragged into their sexual relationship. He applauded Jace for his work ethic and how he handled everything thrown at him by Gareth. That he would not wish to stand in the way of, because seeing Jace excel was a pleasure to Phoenix, and it helped him indirectly by Jace gaining confidence in himself and his worth.