Russian Roulette: Flashbacks [male x male]

Ch. 56: I like pepperoni

Then

"How is he?" Brannon whispered to Phoenix when he and Eoin entered Chess' apartment. He nodded at Rami, who stood exactly where they had left him the night before. When the man slept, he and Eoin had wondered about, but they both respected the loyalty and stamina Rami showed. There was no threat in Chess' apartment, but he still stood ready to take down anyone if needed.

No weapons, no nothing, just hand-to-hand combat and sheer determination.

That morning when they came by after the incident at the club, they had met Rami for the first time and had not known who he was until later, when Phoenix had explained everything. He had told about Levi, and though they felt he had kept some things private, they got the gist of it and understood why Jace needed the kind of protection Rami offered. The Russian part had come as a surprise, but not the mafia part. Well, maybe the mafia part too, but not in the sense that they were shocked. They had always figured there was something shady behind when Jace or Phoenix disappeared for a long while. But as Eoin had said that morning, he had thought it was the Irish mob.

Surely, Phoenix had been nervous about telling them, assuring them he would back out of the club and stay away if they were uncomfortable with his and Jace's association with Gareth, the boss-man they had never met but knew about. But all of them accepted Jace and Phoenix as they were. They valued their friendships more than the potential danger.

It made no difference for Brannon. Phoenix was a friend who always behaved well, and both he and Jace cared for Eoin and never made him feel outside or unwanted when Brannon had to work. Their commitment to that did not stop at the club doors, and that was enough to prove their characters to him.

"Awake but unresponsive." Phoenix sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. "He's there, but he's not."

The condition Jace was in hurt Phoenix. The helplessness he felt overwhelmed him every second he knew Jace was suffering in his mind. He understood it had only been a few days, and that was barely time enough for anyone to recover. His hopes of Jace being ok that fast were unrealistic, but he just wanted Jace to say something. React in some way to let him know that the man he loved was still in there. He could wait and nurse him back, but he needed to know there was something left to save.

"He's not said a word. He trembles at the slightest sound and flinches if I touch him unexpectedly." That was probably the part that hurt him most. The little strength Phoenix had to believe his relationship with Jace would end with them being together, he got from their connection. The touches, words, and smiles. He needed those to stay strong and believe.

He had lost the words and smiles because of Levi and knew it would take time to get them back. But the touches, those Jace needed as much as Phoenix did. They were the physical proof that nothing he did would ever hurt Jace. Verbal promises only went as far. Jace needed confirmation in action, and Phoenix could only do that through gentle caresses and comforting hugs.

"He refuses to eat or drink anything. He drinks when I take him to the bathroom to brush his teeth. I've brushed his teeth more times than any person needs, because that's the only time he accepts water." Phoenix looked tiredly up at the ceiling, sending prayers to anyone willing to listen. "I have to do everything for him except bodily functions. He just stays passive in my arms the entire time."

"But he's not afraid of you. That's important to remember. He chose you."

Running his fingers through his hair, Phoenix knew Brannon was right. He needed to focus on that rather than the negative. But the negative weighed heavily. He could not even imagine what state he would have been in if Jace had chosen Levi out of some sense of obligation to protect others or out of fear.