However, even though I appreciate the poet's broad vocabulary and fine diction, I personally think she used an excess of polysyllabic words, which greatly slows down the reading process. Readers, such as myself, may not know the definition of 90% of these terms and would have to look it up every time to be able to understand the poem. Others may see this as the perfect opportunity to expand their vocabulary while others may find this to be frustrating and unpleasant.
The poet also makes great use of repetition, making the scene more dramatic, increasing the tension: death. death. death.
The first stanza of the first poem threw me off my feet. The stanza was so well-written. But the last line just stood out to me, the words reaching out a magnetic hand and wrapping around my soul:
...than a lowly animal fed by its master
That right there, that seemingly simple phrase, struck me across the head so hard it left me dizzy for days because those eight words were so striking, almost heartbreaking, brimming with bitterness or that relatable urge for independence. (I can't believe I just said I relate to a caterpillar.)
And the first four lines of the following stanza is just as beautiful...
my sheltered hands would form calluses
as the marks of my growth
my petite body would reform
to the physique of a well-seasoned warrior
The poet makes great use of her figures of speech. The constant metaphors are beautiful and vibrant:
a robin with feathers
of dying sunsets
And certain stanzas are just so well-worded, you have to acknowledge its brilliance. They're striking and evocative:
as I was a product of
perpetual cycles made
out of pernicious mistakes
a faulty offspring born
by chance
(I wasn't supposed to
have lived at all)
And this entire stanza stole my heart and I don't even want it back.
with branches of trepidation;
leaves rustled on themselves
as the haunting gale beckoned
pewter doused clouds in a dance
of sorrowful realization
it was as if the world took pity
on the incapable being
drowning beneath
indigo precipitation
stirred by cruel driven currents
just to flaunt its empathy
The imagery is so clear and vivid. The way the author personified the wind, describing it as being considerate and compassionate toward the caterpillar who cannot survive the oncoming storm. Hence the gale helpfully steers the precipitation away from the tiny creature, as if to protect it.
Finally, the way the speaker describes its inescapable demise and the icy fear of death is flawless:
the calls of the dead
beckoned me to join
...
numbing sensation of dread // restless chains
tethered me to the whims of reality
Now, either I'm just too poetically immature to grasp the meanings behind every line or maybe the poet has used too many complex metaphors, but I struggled to interpret certain phrases:
for no rose tinted shards
were enough to change the fate of every star...
What do these "rose tinted shards" refer to? Flower petals? Glass?
And then there's this:
a hazy window was the remains...
Hazy window? Is this a figurative image that perhaps represents misty eyes? Or is there a literal hazy window?
But maybe I'm the only one who couldn't comprehend some of the meanings.
Writing style/Grammar 9/10
Although poetry is associated with breaking the barriers of our conventional writing guidelines, certain grammar rules still apply. Other than maybe one instance of using the incorrect punctuation—in the first poem it's should become its and the poet omits the hyphen between a compound adjective (rose tinted), although, this may have been deliberate?—there are no mistakes.
Reading enjoyment: 8/10
I'm actually not a fan of free-verse poems or poems that have an overabundance of hidden meanings and unreachable depths. I mostly enjoy poems that rhyme and have clear-cut meanings and uncomplicated metaphors.
And yet I enjoyed this kind of poetry. It was different, unusual and I think this strangeness was what intrigued me, what amazed me and made me want to read more from this poet.
Overall: 67/75
These poems are picturesque, beautiful and unique. The poet has a noticeably mature vocabulary that is impressive, but it could also be toned down as to not put readers off. The poet has an artistic writing style, each line carefully crafted by a skilled and imaginative hand. Beautiful, beautiful work.
Carmi's Review #2
Start from the beginning
