A college student finds herself alone in a town that seems to be full of empty people. She meets someone that changes her whole point of view on LA and gives her a reason to stay longer.
i lost like 5 chapters i wrote in advance im criying
.#22 in c...
5th apr. It's been about 2 days since I was left behind in LA. Izzy called a couple times and left me Nate's number "in case of an emergency", but we both know damn well,0 no matter the problem, I'm not going to ask for help.
The silence started playing tricks on my ears and my mind is panicking almost all the time. Being alone isn't good for me. It's hard working through my worst nights. Colby still hasn't given me any sign of life since that night, I'm starting to get worried. No text, call or visit... blank. Maybe I will drop by just to make sure one of the next days.
6th apr. I started filling my time with little things like going on walks across ghost campus, trying to read books I never got the chance to and I even started calling my sister again. It was nice hearing a familiar voice, while living alone, for the first time again in months.
During one of the calls, she mentioned that our mother was sick at the moment and that I should call her. "She will appreciate the gesture!" She persuaded me into giving her a call. "I'll see" I said, pushing the thought of confrontation back in my mind. I didn't feel like I could handle the stress. The jumpy mood I was already in, wasn't going to mix well with the pressure my mother was going to put on me. That might have been a mistake though.
I can't eat when I'm alone and I can't sleep because I feel alone. All this time and silence gave me time with myself and my thoughts. Too much time, might I add. Overthinking got me exhausted and my head is spinning.
7th apr. What the fuck is wrong with me? Like actually... Why... Why does my brain do this sometimes? ...Like why do I end up here? ...How do I even get here? ...How did my brain spiral itself into this full chaos mode... when nothing is really wrong with my life... my life is actually really great. Why did I get here? Is there something really wrong with me? Like am I really... fucked up in the head or something?... What's wrong with me?
8th apr. I broke down crying last night because I had a nightmare. Nobody was there to hold me, talk to me, comfort me. I feel useless. I couldn't pick up the phone the last time Izzy called, I was too disappointed in myself... I felt like a waste of energy, space, food and air.
9th apr. I finished reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. My girlfriend in my sophomore year told me about this book. She used to read it while we were on Facetime late at night. I wonder how she's doing now.
10th apr. My sister called me again today. She informed me my mother's health worsened overnight and she's being moved to intensive care. I'm worried about her. In the afternoon while I was taking a nap I heard the doorknob twist and I had a panic attack. Turns out Hannah came in early from her parents house.
Still no sign from Colby tho. Sam posted on his Instagram that he's in Kansas, but I dont think Colby left after all.
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