alone | colby brock x y/n

From his eyes

-Colby's pov-

As I sat there, on the terminal and watched her leave, I experienced an abnormal mixture of feelings, I might have never had before. I was angry that I left things unfinished and I was even angrier at myself for not being able to properly express myself. My eyes were overflowing with empty and idle tears, making my vision blurry. In the blink of an eye she was gone, out of my sight and I let out a heavy sight, I felt like I had held deep within. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I didn't wish her to see me like this, vulnerable and sad; she deserved only happiness. I looked down, to my feet and my eyes widened as I saw and remembered, she had left me her drenched sweatshirt.
"At least I have some of you back here.." I thought to myself.

I shoved my hand in my back pocket and took out my phone to call Nate. My hands were weak as I brought the phone up to my ear.

"She left man. I'm making my way out now." I spoke quietly. With every step I took I could feel myself drown into my own self-destructive thoughts.

Nate was waiting, patiently for me outside. I firmly took the door handle into my hand and opened the door. I sat down in the passenger seat and audibly sighted one more time. The heavy feeling would not go away. Nate hit the gas paddle and broke the heavy silence:

"Are you alright bro?" his world ringed into my head mindlessly. I'm sitting exactly where she was sitting just a couple minutes ago. Now I don't even know when she'll be coming back. This thought destroyed me so I tried to limit everything related to her return. I let my head fall down and I supported its weight with the palms of my hands.
"Yeah.." I responded with a weak voice.

✧

Nate dropped me off back home. I was visibility disturbed and very obviously I did not feel up to doing anything anymore. I made my way around the empty house, absent minded. Every step I took echoes endlessly throughout the empty hallway. I withdrew myself into my room, all alone. I was in desperate need to confide in someone. Only one person will always have my full trust, no matter the problem. Only someone's opinion matters to me and only this very person has enough influence over me to calm me down.

I was impatient listening to the phone ring. With every high pitched sound my phone made, my impatience grew stronger, my anger grew bigger and anxiety took a hold of my body.

"Hello..Colby what's up?"
"Thank God man, I thought I might just go crazy!" I sighed. The pain in my chest was causing an unbearable pressure. Every breath I took felt pointless.
"Colby? What's happening?" Sam's voice echoed through the phone.
"I think... I don't know... Sam she left... I don't know what to do..." cold sweat made its way down my forehead as I spoke. My hands were shaking and sweating.
"I don't understand."

...

My heart was racing and I could feel my eyes run to find an escape. My pupils dilated and rushed from the door to the window to the light and back to the door.

"I ... Y/n left LA not long ago." I said with a trace of anxiety in my voice.
"Ahh... I see... is she fine?"
"I'm pretty sure she's not... she doesn't know when she will be coming back." I started and paused talking to find a steady rhythm to breathe.
"I just can't wrap my head around what happened...." I continued after taking a deep breath.

I stayed on the phone with Sam for a while just to calm myself down. He cut his stay in Kansas short and rescheduled to leave the following day. In the meantime I just sat on the balcony, smoked and layed in bed. I tried editing to distract myself from everything that's going on but all I could think about was her. How I fucked something we had that night
and how I wasn't able to fix it.. Nothing more than to just talk it through. I was opening the window and closing it back, pacing back and forth in my room and starting at the ceiling.

The phone read 9:37 PM.

"Only a couple more hours until she lands." I think to myself, waiting with bated breath.

✧

00:21 AM

I didn't want her to think I was crazy, not allowing myself to sleep until she landed and checking the time constantly. I even saved her time on my phone, to know what's the hour there.
I dialled her number quietly and counted each ring... she did not answer. I told myself the flight must be late to land and her phone is still in plane mode.
After a while I sat back in my chair and checked the random number succession to be positive it was the right cell number. I dialled once again.

Ring... Ring... Ring... The person you're trying to reach is unavailable. Please call again later.

These were the words that kept me up all night and cradled me to sleep when the sun was finally rising. I was embarrassed, but damn it I was worried as shit.

—
sorry for the long wait for the chapter. it's been finished for a while now but i just didn't feel like writing. for context i usually never publish a chapter without having at least other two more, and ready to go. lately i've found myself not liking this story anymore (do not worry i will be finishing this, but its just so exhausting mentally and physically to write it)
yeah ...
anyways now that school has started again i hope i will start posting on a schedule again.