- DISTRACTION ;; r.itoshi

27

-- her and him

rin sat on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. He couldn't shake the thought of yn out of his head. she had gone on a date with someone else--someone that wasn't him; to say he was feeling jealous and sad was merely an understatement. however, he didn't blame her for his mess of emotions but rather himself: he couldn't believe that he had let himself get so attached to her.

as rin sat there, he realised that yn didn't even tell him about the date and he found it out through aryu. rin had tried to act casual about it, but deep down, he was hoping that the date would fall through. he wanted to be the one to take her out, to show her a good time, to make her feel special.

but yn had gone ahead with the date anyway--and with the oliver aiku at that while rin had been left alone with his thoughts. he tried to distract himself by watching his favourite horror movie, hereditary or playing five night at freddy's, but nothing seemed to help. all he could think about was yn and the fact that she was out with another guy. he couldn't help but wonder what they were doing, what they were talking about, and whether or not yn was enjoying herself.

and with the way she talked about him? yeah, he knew that aiku was making her happy.

rin knew that he had no right to be jealous. he and yn were just friends and that entire event was just a mistake; she was free to date whoever she wanted. but that didn't make the feeling go away. he was consumed by the thought of yn being with someone else, and it made him feel sick to his stomach.

as he sat there, his mind began to wander. he started to replay their interactions in his head, analyzing every word, every touch, every smile. he couldn't help but feel like he had missed something, like he had missed his chance with her.

"what if she likes him more than me?" rin thought to himself. "what if he's everything she's been looking for?" the thought made him feel sick to his stomach. he had never felt this way before. he had never cared about someone this much.

but he knew that she would always pick aiku over him.

he tried to tell himself that it was just a crush, that he would get over it eventually. but the more he thought about yn, the more he realized that it was more than just a passing infatuation. he was falling for her, hard. and the thought of her being with someone else was unbearable.

he tried to remember all of their interactions, searching for signs that yn might feel the same way. but everything seemed to be just friendly banter, with no indication that she saw him as anything more than a friend. that event, however? he should just forget it like she did.

he knew that he couldn't force yn to feel the same way that he did. and he didn't want to ruin their friendship (again) by confessing his feelings and making things awkward between them. but the thought of yn being with someone else, of her falling for someone who wasn't him, was too much to bear.

rin took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. he knew that he needed to get a grip on his emotions before they consumed him completely. he tried to focus on other things, on work or soccer, anything to take his mind off of yn. but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about her.

as the night wore on, rin felt himself sinking deeper and deeper into despair. 

he knew that he needed to find a way to move on, to let go of his feelings for Yn. But the thought of losing her, of not being a part of her life, was too much to bear.

rin's thoughts grew darker. re started to doubt himself, to question his own worth. 'maybe I'm not good enough for her,' he thought, 'maybe she deserves someone better than me.' yet the thought of losing her to someone else made him feel like he was drowning.

of course it was true, she deserved better, better than him, at least.

finally, exhausted from the emotional turmoil, rin lay down on his bed and closed his eyes. he knew that he needed to get some sleep, that tomorrow was a new day, and that he needed to find a way to move on. but for now, he allowed himself to wallow in his sadness, to feel the pain of his unrequited love.

In the darkness of his room, rin whispered yn's name, knowing that he could never have her.

[ 803 words ]