- DISTRACTION ;; r.itoshi

08

— an answer

after changing into his regular uniform, rin walked out of the gym to the parking lot to find his bike. his legs were fatigue from the constant movement of his legs and his feet were sore—he felt as though his bones may shatter at any given moment but he didn't dare pay attention to any of his bodily pain and continued to search for his bike.

he scanned the large parking lot which was mainly empty except for a few bikes and cars of the students and teachers who stayed behind to observe/participate in the clubs.

his eyes finally landed on his black motorbike which was parked directly behind one his club member's car. he walked towards it with his backpack precariously clinging onto his left shoulder. he threw the backpack down and began to ignite the engine of his bike.

before doing so, his eyes absentmindedly travelled to the car parked in-front of him due to hearing 2 familiar voices—one of the said voices belonged to his club member who went by the title "ninja" (and believed himself to be a descendant of one) while the other was the byproduct of his coach engaging in coitus.

he shrugged at first, not caring about whether or not the two teenagers were poisoning themselves. however, as he tried to situate himself appropriately on the bike, he couldn't help but glance in the direction of the car, yet again.

he felt an unusual, foreign feeling in his heart—it felt heavier than usual. was it anger? rage? sadness? no, it couldn't be any of them since why would someone like him ever be upset over people like them?

eita otoya, the "ninja", was someone who rin didn't bother with much. in his eyes, eita was a rather adequate player of soccer and he acknowledged his playing skills and considered him to be a "fit" opponent. however, his skills were nowhere as rin's—it was a fact, proven multiple times.

consequently, his feelings towards yn were contradictory: he admired her bravery to ever speak up against and he admired her for calling out one of his fatal flaws yet he despised her for the same exact reason. his feelings were an oxymoron.

still, he thought of how he felt when he saw her with the white-haired soccer player—he felt heart-heavy, as if his heart had betrayed him and was unable to supply him with an adequate amount of oxygen.

today, he noticed how her eyes would always land on his figure as he played the sport. he knew that every five minutes or so, she'd turn to look at him and look away as quick.

but then, upon the arrival of eita, she didn't dare gave him something as small as a glance—her eyes remained fixated on eita and that sparked a rather unusual feeling upon his chest.

was it anger? hatred? he was unaware yet he was feeling the same way as he did then when he now looked at the lair of teenagers that were situated in a car. furthermore, eita's arm was wrapped around her shoulders while she lightly leaned towards him. he didn't know why such an action could spark such peculiar feeling within him.

merely moments later, he realised it was envy but why would he be envious of either of the pair of teenagers? he had no reason to envy eita as he was a slacker. yes, he was good at soccer but his abilities were nowhere near his nor was his education any better, in-fact, they were far worse.

now, looking at yn, why would he be envious of her of all people? she was simply too mediocre to be envied by the rin itoshi.

again, he thought, why was he so focused on his feelings all of a sudden? ever since the fallout with his dear brother, he'd only ever focused on his goal of overcoming him. he always put his feelings aside so he could focus on himself better so why now?

he thought, simply, that some meditation and yoga would fix the mess that his feelings were. hopefully.

yet upon doing so, he realised it wasn't enough. he lacked something, that he was aware of but why would he worry about such mundane concepts when he was close to becoming something much better than that?

ultimately, he decided to hide his feelings, put them aside and focus on his goal and goal only. he didn't want to be distracted yet his haphazard thoughts betrayed him.

if only, if only, if only...

for hours, he thought of ways to regain his focus on soccer and not on himself but all his attempts were futile. he was failing miserably at connecting himself to the one thing that ever gave him importance.

why? that question loomed in his head yet again but to no avail could he muster out an answer that satisfied him.

so he gave up. it was unlike him to ever stop looking for an answer but searching for this specific answer hindered his abilities so he'd search for it another time, when he finally achieved his goal.

it was a fair deal and it was enough for him.

[ 880 words ]