𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗿.
☽☽☽
She captivated Bucky instantly during their first interaction. He cannot, however, express his feelings due to her bloodline and relat...
I can't keep going, knowing that I have caused so much pain. Before, I was able to somewhat live with the things that I have done. That wasn't all me. My brain was hardwired to do the things that I did. I was built to be a monster, and I became it, but I tried to live past the things that I had done. But, now, this was all me. I willingly chose to harm the one good person in my life. I sit here at night, knowing that she is crying in the next room over, and I don't know what to do. I know I can do something, but how am I supposed to do anything without hurting her more?
My knees are still tucked under my chin, and my hands are wrapped around my legs. From behind her door, I can't hear anything. I haven't heard anything for a while, and that thought scares the hell out of me. I don't know how long I've been sitting here, but it feels like ages. My mind only wraps around the situation when I hear a small bump coming from inside her room. I instantly stand up from my position, walking back into her room. At first, I don't see her. Then when I walk around her bed, I see her lying in her front, her face smashed into the floor. I jump into action, picking her up and putting her back onto her bed. She seems so out of it, probably drunk out of her mind, to even notice that I'm here. I tuck her back into her bed and stay watching until I know that she is asleep. And, when she is, I try to leave the room, which is one of the hardest things I've had to do this week.
☽☽☽
At the crack of dawn, I leap out of my bed, walking down the hallway. Even though I know I shouldn't, I check on Eden before I go to the kitchen, just making sure that she is okay. I open her door, seeing her sitting on the end of her bed. She doesn't seem to notice me, holding her head in her hands and groaning. I go to leave the door and shut it behind me, but when the floorboards creek under my feet, Eden's head lifts and she stares at me.
"What are you doing here?" She asks.
"I just wanted to check up on you." I sigh. "You got pretty drunk last night, do you remember much."
"Uh, I remember crying. A lot." She chuckles. "But, what's new?"
"I'm sorry, I'll leave."
"Thank you," I stop walking. "For last night."
"You remember that?"
"No much, but I don't think I got myself into bed last night. I was pretty wasted." She looks down at her lap. "Thank you, you didn't need to do that."
"Yes, I did." I walk back into her room. "Look, I know I'm probably the last person you want to see or speak to, but I'm here. I'll always be here for you, Eden."
"Why?" There are tears in her eyes.
"Because I do care about you." I sit down beside her. "I always will. And, if you are drunk, or sad, or angry, or bored. I'm still here, just not in the way we want me to be."
"What if I can't do that?" She sniffs. "What if it hurts just being in the same room as you, knowing that I can't hug you? Or talk to you? Or kiss you?"
"I don't know." I sigh. "I don't have the answer for that because I'm still trying to figure that out myself."
"What are we doing?" She grumbles. "Why are we still trying to be something when we know we can't? Friends, lovers, and even enemies. It all ends in pain. So why are we trying?"
"Because it's easier than saying goodbye." I turn to face her. "I can't say goodbye to you."
"I can't say goodbye to you."
We are both looking at each other's face, the looks completely different. She looks on the verge of tears, whilst I am stuck with a thin line on my lips, trying to hide my true emotions. I don't deserve to show my emotions, I put us both in this situation. Her lips quiver, my eyes darting straight to them. They shake but, then she bits them, trying to hide her emotions as well. I can't keep my eyes off them. I can feel her eyes on my face too, but my eyes are glued in place. Eventually, I look down at my lap, holding my hands together.
"You know what?" I scoff "I'm done. I'm done being the good guy. I'm done being selfless. With everything that I've been through, I deserve for once to be selfish. To not have to think about every single action I do. I want to not care about others as much as I do. I want to be selfish, just this once."
"What are you talking about?" She asks.
I don't let her ponder further on the thought, instead turning around and grabbing her face, pulling her closer, and smashing my lips against hers. She seems surprised at first, but once she realises what's going on, she kisses me back. It feels amazing like every cell in my body is on fire. Everything around me shuts off, and I solely focus on Eden. The way her hands grab mine. The way my hands hold her face. The way her lips wrap perfectly around my own. When we need air, we both pull from the kiss, catching our breath but our foreheads lean against each other's.
"You don't have to forgive me," I whisper. "I don't. But I need you to know how sorry I am."
"I forgive you." She smiles. "I know why you did it. You needed to set the wrong right, but this wasn't your choice. We should have made that together."
"I know, I know. And, I'm sorry."
"It's okay." She soothes me. "I'm here. We are here, together. And, we're going to get through this. We have to. We'll just slowly warm my Dad up to the idea of us."
"How?"
"I don't know." She sighs. "But, before he refused to try and see what this is. Now, we just have to make him. I will not let him ruin the one good thing in my life. You mean too much to me."
