𝗜 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗿.
☽☽☽
She captivated Bucky instantly during their first interaction. He cannot, however, express his feelings due to her bloodline and relat...
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TW: Corrupt mindset and somewhat angst. (Just a little heads-up, I will probably be hungover tomorrow, so I will post this chapter today, but the next might take a while)
[Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Rey] 1:40 ─〇───── 2:13 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻
I'm really dreading today. Pretty much the entire team is due to go on a small mission for a possible HYDRA hotspot. I've only been at the compound for a week, and I'm slowly dreading staying. They constantly treat me like I'll break in front of them, or like I'm something they found on the bottom of their shoes. I get that all the things I have done have created havoc and despair, but they are singling me out. How am I supposed to be a part of this team if they won't welcome me? Especially Natasha and Tony are scared of me. They tend to leave a room when I walk in and haven't said a word to me since I came here. The only reason I'm staying here is Eden, ad even then, that isn't going well.
I can't go anywhere near here. Even If I wanted to. Tony has her quarantined away from me at every chance, and when she is alone, I don't try to go near her. I don't want to corrupt her. She probably has never had a heartwrenching experience in her life, and I don't want to be her first. She was born into money and a huge, solving family. I can't be the one to change that for her.
So, I've been actively avoiding her the entire week. Up until this point, where I am leaving my room with all my weapons and tactical gear. I wasn't given much weaponry to train with, since they are scared I will suddenly turn and harm them. They even locked up the guns, not telling me the passcode to the safe. Little do they know, the Winter Soldier can do just as much damage with a pocket knife. Steve walked up to my room this morning with my gear and weapons, placing them on my bed and telling me to be outside super early. I do as he said, leaving the room early in the morning and walking through the compound. I rummage through the kitchen on my level, finding some protein bars and shovelling them down my throat. Trying to find my way through this maze, I follow the small signs on the walls, leading my way to the front of the building.
In front of me, stands the huge jet, the team, and all their weaponry shoved into bags outside of the jet. Steve waits patiently by the entrance, his arms tucked behind his back. He smiles when he sees me, making his way over. Without a word, he takes my bags, walking beside me over to the jet. When we walk inside, I see that it looks spotless. There isn't a spec of dust in sight, food and water packed in the mini fridge, and weapons placed in their respective positions on the wall. A door at the back of the jet opens, revealing Eden with a cloth and cleaning products in her hand. The toilet flushes behind her, and she smiles as she places the products in a small basket on the floor of the jet.
Her smile is aimed at me, and a part of me wants to smile back, but I don't reciprocate. I don't want her to like me. I can't have her being my friend. I don't want to lose her, and I can't if I never had it. She looks upset at my absence of a smile, but quickly brushes it off. To hide her hurt, she turns to Steve, hugging him tightly. They whisper something into each other's ears, and Steve ends the hug with a laugh. I haven't heard him laugh in this entire week I've been here. She kisses his cheek goodbye, and he does the same to her. Steve walks over to the bench, places my bag next to his and sits down.
The others barrel onto the jet, carrying their own bags, and standing next to each other. With their presence now on the jet, I move to sit away from them and next to Steve. Eden walks over to Natasha, hugging her and also placing a kiss on her cheek. She smiles for the first time, but it falters when she sees me. Eden pulls Clint into a hug, and he wraps his arms around her body, holding her closely. They both sit down on a bench, far away from Steve and me. The hold that everyone has on her body makes me slightly jealous. I want to feel her hug me like that, but I need to push those feelings back. I can't be in her life. She probably doesn't want me in her life. She most likely hates me for what I did to her grandparents.
Finally, she says goodbye to Tony, and he only kisses her on the cheek. She grabs the cleaning basket, shoves it under her arm, and walks out of the jet. Everyone gets into their positions, silently waiting for Bruce to close the door and take off. As we all wait, I turn to face Steve, seeing him double-checking his bag for everything that he needs. I watch his face, remembering the hold he had on Eden. The fact that he was able to make her laugh. The fact that he got to kiss her on the cheek. I shake my head slightly, reminding myself that I can't be feeling this for her. Not only is she off limits, I don't want to hurt her. All I do is bring destruction. Even when I'm trying to help people, I hurt them. I just did to Eden. I don't want her to get hurt, so I push her way, but it is clearly upsetting her.
"Ready for take-off," Bruce calls out.
My body feels light as the jet gets off the ground and levitates in the air. As Bruce flies us away from the compound, there is only one thing on my mind. Eden. I can't stop thinking about the upset look on her face when I didn't smile back at her. I hate that I put it there, but I have to keep reminding myself that this is for her own good. If she knew half of the things I have done, she would hate me too. That doesn't change how guilty I feel for being rude to her, though.
