I don't understand myself at all. I want to love myself so much, but I hate the fact that I can't unless someone physically tells me what is good and what is bad. It scares me to think that someone might not like me because I'm too sad or too depressing or too self-loathing. It's just that, when I look in the mirror, all I see is shit. Shit with a pretty face, a bad personality with a nice fake smile.
I can't love myself. I want to. I wish I could. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see what's good about me, whether it's looks or persona, but all I see is the bad.
Like, I know there's something good about myself. I just can't see it, if that makes sense. I know it's there, somewhere. I just can't see it, and I want to find it, but I can't. I think I might need help finding it, but that's what scares me the most.
I'm not independent. I need someone to help keep me alive, I need someone to grab my hand and tell me that there is good in me, someone to hold me when I'm sad, I just need someone.
I'm not independent. And that's what scares me. I'm unable to make it on my own. It terrifies me how much I need people.
YOU ARE READING
Paralyzed
PoetryOkay, this started out as a thought book, turned into a rant book, and so far, it's become a thought book again. How many other changes will it go through, I don't know, nor do I care. This is sort of a public journal but not really because I hate t...
