Paralyzed

Insecurities...?

I don't even know what the hell this one is about. I want to say insecurities, but really, I have no idea. It starts off with insecurities, I dunno, I'm strange.

I have a lot of insecurities, I'm fat but I could never give up food and exercise is just too much work, and I'm too afraid to ask my parents to get something to help me get a flat stomach. Just enough to lose five or six pounds, just my tummy pudge. But, of course, my parents shove it down my throat that I'm not fat and I shouldn't feel fat, and that I don't need to lose weight or whatever. I just want a bikini stomach!

Anyway, then there's the fact that I have a weird face. Like my nose is big and I have to pluck my eyebrows a lot because my fucking eyebrows decide to go down really far on my nose and make it seem like a unibrow even though they aren't! And my skin is really pale, like you can see my veins, and I don't get any tanner until like the middle of August, but it disappears by October.

And I'm uptight. And sort of a snitch. I used to help people cheat off of my papers at school, because everyone thinks I'm smart for some reason, but now anytime anyone asks, I say no and they just give me this look as if I've called them psychotic. And there's this kid in my class, Cylil or whatever, and he takes my math teacher's marker all the time as a joke, and I always tell her it's him. I mean, I know everyone says honesty is important, but, truthfully, telling on someone just makes me feel so dirty. Even if I don't know the person.

And then there's the fact that I've cut a lot of negative people out of my life, and, unfortunately, that included my sister, but she refused to leave (you live in the same house, retard) and kept saying, "Wow, you only focus on the negative stuff, don't you? When have I ever done anything to hurt you or slow you down?"

I answered the same answer to every variation of that question. "You shame me in front of your friends, and yes, I know I do that too, but that's only because I can't focus on the positive side because there's so much negativity coming from you. I mean, you're ashamed of me. I can tell. Not only that, but you always boss me around as if you have the right to tell me what choices are right for me, and always, every single Sunday, tell me to quit slacking off of church and get it together. Then, anytime we get in an argument, you put words in my mouth, words I didn't even say or imply, and tell me that I'm supposed to be friends with Casey because he's not a negative influence. You act like you know me, but you don't. You only know what I choose to show or tell you. I can't have someone who automatically assumes things of me based on what they've heard about me in my life, and I'm trying to cut you out so that I can change for the better. You keep saying that you're a positive aspect, but I don't see it. I'm sorry, but I don't. If you really wanted me to change my attitude, then you'd let me do what I think is best for me. If I'm wrong in the end, then you can say 'I told you so' when I'm on my deathbed. So shut up and let me live my god damned life the way I see fit for myself. Not the way you see for for me."

Naturally, she got pissed and started screaming at me and just ughhh. I got upset and yelled, "So maybe I should just die, then?" and ran off to my room. She went and told my mom, and my mom came bursting into my room saying something about getting back on the Abilify or going to the hospital or something like that, I don't know. She calmed down after about ten minutes and asked me what was wrong, so I ended up confiding all my insecurities to her, and she just kept making up arguments as to why they aren't true.

Here comes the actual topic:

Giving an insecure person reasons why their insecurities are invalid does not help them get over it. It doesn't. All it does is remind them that they shouldn't be feeling that way and that no one understands the true meaning behind all of it. They may say, "Thanks, that helped," but in most cases, they're lying. Hell, I've said that enough times to know that I'm telling the truth.

Reminding someone that their insecurities are invalid does not help anyone at all.