Tatted

A WEDDING DRESS AND A FAKE DEATH

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE

"Some people survive chaos and that is how they grow. And some people thrive in chaos, because chaos is all they know."

*****

For the past week my life has been absolute torture.

I never imagined I would be living with my parents again.

I stopped believing that Micheal and I would ever get along after he started hurting me. But my beliefs have been proved wrong. I haven't had a fight with Micheal all week. He's treated me like his actual fiance.

My parents are absolutely delighted to be staying with me for Christmas, even though I'm not willingly allowing them to stay.

Christmas is in a few days and while everybody around me seems to be so excited, I am not.

I would've thought that our town would try for Christmas but it's evident that the townspeople aren't very festive- I realized while driving around last week.

I wanted to decorate outside. I was going to buy lights and everything. I thought putting them up would be a nice distraction. But Micheal thought it was a bad idea.

He said there was more important things to focus on, such as our wedding that he says is happening soon. I don't know what 'soon' means.

He's making all the choices because he doesn't know how to communicate or agree with me. I would rather him make the decisions than argue with him.

I minded my business for the past few days and barely spoke a word. I became invisible. My parents barely realized most of the time that I lived here too.

Today is the day I've been dreading. I have to go wedding dress shopping, and because Micheal makes the amazing choices I have to go with my mother. I would've much rather gone by myself but i didn't really have a choice with Micheal.

I'm driving to the shops with my mother in the passenger seat. She's scrolling through her phone mindlessly. We haven't spoken a word to each other.

It's like getting to know each other again. She did give birth to me, and attempted to raise me (although she didn't do a very good job), but after not seeing her for years she is like a stranger to me. I don't know anything about my own mom.

It's not like I want to know her, but I feel like i should at least try to create even the slightest sense of a relationship with her.

"Mom," she peers up from her phone and I can see the slight shock on her face. I guess it wasn't expected of me to start a conversation. "What happened after we left?" I kept my eyes on the road but I knew her expression fell. She instantly knew what I meant.

"A lot happened. What do you mean?" She turned off the phone and tucked it into her coat pocket.

The car was really warm. I turned down the heat.

"How did you get here? What happened?"

She took a deep breath. It's clear that she was procrastinating talking about this but I was genuinely curious.

"You guys left really sudden." She looked down at her lap, her polished nails. I didn't want to hear her sob-story but I asked and was obligated to listen.

"Your dad wasn't in a good state. I was depressed, struggling with medication. I wanted to help you, I really did."

I noticed how she felt uncomfortable. Her gaze shifted towards the window.