Reset and Rewind

Chapter 31 - Threads of String

It was in one simple word: chaos.

And it perfectly resembled his current state of mind.

Izuku made his way through the mess with practiced ease, taking out one of his notebooks and instantly scribbling down his thoughts. It was the only way to let it all out, to stay sane while his thoughts ran rampant and his anxiety spiked. He honestly hadn't felt like this in a long time. No, it had only been one time, to be exact. And he'd reacted to it in a similar fashion: by running away and trying to do everything on his own. He didn't want anyone else getting hurt, didn't want things to change and cause them harm.

Back in high school, he literally ran away from everything and tried to take on the world in a physical way by fighting villains and saving civilians. This was different. This was a mental battle, a battle of wits and smarts and foresight. Of planning ahead and taking every single detail into account. But Izuku was still running, still shutting everyone out, pushing them away, trying to do everything on his own. It was different. But in a way, it was the exact same. And he was hurting. Hurting even more than he did back then.

Izuku trembled as he wiped away his tears, trying to keep his hands steady and his writing legible. It wasn't working though... Nothing was working! He gripped the page, wrinkling the paper and ripping it from his notebook. He hated this! Hated himself! Hated that he was hurting and knew he could stop if he just asked for help like a normal person! But he couldn't! Something inside him was just...blocking him from getting help, from talking to someone about it. Maybe it was shame? Something similar? Ugh, that just made it sound like he had an addiction of some sort!

Silent curses filled the room as Izuku balled up the paper and threw it to the other side of the room. His vision blurred as tears took over and he hit the ground. He had to be careful not to wreck his flooring. His classmates would definitely hear that and he didn't want any of them to find him in this state. And as if to rub it in even more, Float started acting up, causing him to get tangled up in his own threads and string of thought. The more he tried to move and free himself, the more he got wrapped up, pulling things down from his walls and making a giant mess in the process. The fact he was still bawling his eyes out wasn't helping either!

The knock on his door made him freeze up instantly, as if time stopped moving. His body was tense and still, floating soundlessly in the air, wrapped up in string. Someone was there, on the other side of his door. They were expecting an answer, one Izuku couldn't give without losing a grip on himself, without having his voice giving away just how wrecked he actually was. If he just stayed perfectly still, then maybe... Maybe they'd think he wasn't here? Maybe he could get away unscatched..?

"Izuku? I know you're in there."

Kyoka. Of course it had to be someone with a sound related quirk!

"...Are you okay in there?" she asked, which made Izuku flail around even more. Float stopped working and he fell back onto the ground, taking all the string and a big part of the papers and sticky notes with him.

"I'm fine!" Izuku called out, quickly trying to shed all the threads from his body. "I, uhm, I fell! But I'm fine!"

"Oh, uhm, okay..?" Kyoka said slowly. "Anyway, can you let me in? I still have some questions about this whole...situation and the others said you're the person to talk to."

"Right! Uhm, give me a second!" Izuku called out, ripping some tissues from an All Might themed tissue box and wiping his face. God, his eyes must be so red right now, there was no way she wouldn't notice he'd cried. If she hadn't heard him already, that is. Shit. he stumbled over to the door, his hand lingering above the handle. What was he even doing? He couldn't let her in, he couldn't let her see this mess! He'll just have to come up with an excuse. Yeah, he could do that!