Healing (KTH, featuring KNJ)

Chapter 26

After a few days of making sure Clara was settling well into the dorms, Taehyung decided he needed to let a few more people at the company know about their relationship. He was serious about finding a good therapist she could talk to, but this wasn't the kind of thing that he could just search for online. There would need to be deep trust, and a rock solid NDA even before the first meeting. So with his manager's help a slightly wider group of individuals was brought into the circle.

Similar to Taehyung's medical care, Big Hit offered to pay for everything. But they made sure Taehyung knew that all of the doctors that worked for the company were expected to provide regular updates to the company on progress, and this would be no different. While Taehyung wasn't entirely comfortable with this idea, he was convinced by their argument that it would allow them to better support Clara, and by extension Taehyung too. Having the primary doctor that was assigned to BTS regularly reviewing her treatment would ensure that she was getting high quality support and the expected results. So Clara began her journey meeting with a therapist.

At Clara's first therapy appointment, she honestly wasn't even sure what to say. So much had happened in her life in the last year that she just felt overwhelmed trying to process it all. She had lost her fiance, moved to a new country, started dating a public figure, there was the incident at the show, and with Taehyung's family. It was overwhelming just to think about where to start. But her therapist encouraged her to simply start anywhere and trust that they would figure it out together.

Clara had always been naturally very shy, so they were relatively slow to get started. But over the weeks she and her therapist started growing a good rapport, and it progressively took Clara less time each week to start opening up.

Taehyung could see her efforts were working. She often struggled with keeping her emotions in check immediately after her appointments, but he was gradually seeing her confidence return, and she was becoming more open with him about her concerns and her own hopes for the future.

During this whole process Clara hadn't mentioned moving back to her apartment. And Taehyung certainly wasn't going to mention it, he was ecstatic that he could see her every day even if she often fell asleep before he made it home on particularly busy days.

The boys also didn't mind having Clara around. Namjoon loved being able to spend more time with her, and often took her away from Taehyung claiming that he had first priority for her time as her brother. Namjoon was also watching over her development as she continued on with her therapy. He also needed to assure himself that things were heading the right direction.

One evening when he pulled her away from Taehyung to chat she asked if they could go somewhere more private to talk. Namjoon was surprised, Clara often kept things relatively light in their discussions and largely focused on listening to Namjoon share about his work.  So privacy wasn't really required. But he was glad to comply if it would help her feel more comfortable.

Clara took a little while to start, but eventually broke the silence. "Namjoon, I'm not sure I can do this. I like Tae so much. But I've realized in my therapy sessions I'm just burdened by worry all of the time."

"What are you worried about Clara?"

There was a long pause while Clara was staring at her hands which she kept folding and unfolding.

"Just take it slow, take as much time as you need." Namjoon guided.

"I'm worried that I'm not really adequate to be Tae's girlfriend. Like right now, I know I'm being a burden impinging on your private space."

"Is that everything?"

"No" Clara whispered, now staring at the carpet.

"What else? Just tell me. It can't be that bad. Let me see if I can help fix it."

"I worry that I'm betraying Namsoo by falling in love with Tae. I worry I'll forget about him. I worry your family won't love me anymore because I'm disrespecting them, or maybe they will think I don't need them anymore. I worry you will think I am selfish...and terrible...and maybe I didn't love him enough if I can find someone else to love this easily."

"Oh Clara, trust me, my family is so happy for you and Taehyung-ah. I know my parents want nothing more than to see you find new happiness and joy in life."

"How can you know that? What if you are just saying that to make me feel better?"

"I think it is time for both of you to visit mom and dad together and talk about all of this. It will be good to have their perspective so you can relieve yourself of this burden you are carrying. They are wise and they love you so, so much. I think if you talk to them it will put your mind at rest."

After a short pause Namjoon continued, "Clara, I can also see that Taehyung wants to take your relationship further, but he is holding back for you. As far as I'm concerned he can wait as long as you need. But I think it is important for you to know that this isn't going to go away. Taehyung isn't going anywhere, if anything he's just moving closer and closer to you."

Namjoon immediately transitioned to planning mode, "I know my parents would love to see you. I also happen to know they are coming to the apartment in Seoul later this week, and I know Taehyung-ah has Thursday evening off this week, both for anything with the band and from filming."

"How about we make a deal? If I set up a visit for the four of you, will you go and be honest about your feelings? Can you do that for me?"

"Ok, I will," Clara whispered. "I'll go if you think that is the right thing to do."

Namjoon sighed in frustration. "Clara, I want you to go because it is what you want to do, not because I'm telling you. You are constantly putting yourself after others and it really isn't necessary or a good thing. You will always be kind, loving, and generous even if you sometimes ask to do things your way. I want you to know that people like you for you, not just because you always do what they ask."

Clara looked up and with a small smile leaned into Namjoon's open arms of embrace, "thank you for being a wonderful brother to me. And remember I can be strong and opinionated too. Remember when you broke your arm? I threatened to hurt you if I ever saw you riding your bicycle again."

Namjoon laughed at the memory. "And how did that turn out?"

With a fake glare Clara punched him in the shoulder. "You didn't listen to me, so I had to steal the key to your bike lock."

"I know, and I still haven't been able to find it. Someday I'm going to get it back, and then you'll really be sorry."