Healing (KTH, featuring KNJ)

Chapter 24

Taehyung really couldn't figure out how he'd missed the signs of Clara's anxiety. Dohyun consoled him by reminding him that Clara was like a flower that bloomed in the sun, and Taehyung was becoming the center of her universe. So Taehyung was always seeing the best part of her, while she was prone to close up and wither a bit when the sun was gone and the cold came.

What he wanted for her was to constantly feel that sunshine and love. And he knew that he needed to keep a better eye on her if he was really going to be the man she deserved. But between his busy schedule and the need for secrecy he didn't think he had a lot of options.

Under any circumstances he knew his first stop needed to be a visit to Namjoon. If nothing else he was going to need to free up his afternoon and evening. But he also wanted to ask one other thing.

"Hyung, I just talked to your parents, did you know Clara wasn't doing well?"

Namjoon remained focused on his computer, but hummed out a yes while confirming with a nod of his head.

"Why didn't you tell me! I could have done something earlier! Are you trying to hurt her, or hurt us?"

Namjoon stood up and used his height to look down on Taehyung. "Don't ever think I would try to hurt Clara. It would never happen. I was trying to give you the space to figure it out and do something. But I gather from the fact that you are even asking me this question, my father must have finally told you."

"Hyung" Taehyung whined, "I really didn't know. Clara is good at disguising how she feels. And you know how busy we are."

"Look Taehyung-ah. Everything you just said sounds like more excuses. If you fix this, I'll let this one go. But honestly I'm getting a little tired of how much you allow Clara to sacrifice for you without giving the same effort in return. Now just go. I know you are about to ask for the rest of the day off. Or at least you better be. I'll take care of the schedule for the day."

"Thanks Hyung," Taehyung said with his head hung low as he headed out the door. If he collected his things quickly he could be on his way to Clara's in a few minutes and figure out how to fix this.

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Taehyung was in front of Clara's door, and he had absolutely no idea how to fix this. So for now he'd start with the one thing he could do, just hold her and let her know that he was there.

Taehyung knocked on her apartment door but received no answer. He'd never actually been to her apartment before, part of his plan to keep her a secret, so he hoped he had the right number. Several additional knocks also went unanswered and he was starting to feel wary about how much time he was spending out in the open of the hallway.

He decided to call instead, and when Clara answered he could hear her voice waiver.

Taehyung cut in, "Sweetheart, it's me. What's wrong? Where are you? I'm standing outside your apartment door."

"Oh, ok, just a minute."

Just a few seconds later he heard the door unlatch and the door crack open with his precious girl's eyes peeking at him.

"Can I come in?" Taehyung gently inquired.

"Oh yeah, sure. Sorry."

Pushing the door shut with his foot, Taehyung immediately grabbed Clara so he could hold her as tight as possible until she felt safe and calm in his arms.

"Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me you were having a hard time? Hmm? I hate to see you like this. Let's sit down and see what we can do, ok?"

Wrapped up together under a blanket on the couch, neither was willing to break the silence. When Taehyung looked at her it was obvious she wasn't doing well. She looked like she wasn't sleeping much and he sensed she had lost some weight. But as he held her Taehyung felt an idea start to form.

"Clara, I know this may feel sudden, but I'd like you to move in with me. At least for a while. It would let us see each other more often. What do you think?"

Clara was speechless. Everything felt so...sudden. I mean she loved Taehyung, but this was a whole different thing.

"Clara, sweetheart, talk to me. Tell me what you are thinking."

"Um...I don't even know what I'm thinking. Tae this is crazy, you are so busy the last thing you need is to have me in your way. And I already have an apartment where I can stay. Why would I move?"

"I know what happened," Taehyung quietly whispered in return. "I just want you to be in a place where you can feel good to allow yourself a bit of time to recover. I'm worried about leaving you alone here. Not because I think it is unsafe, but because I think you believe it is unsafe. I don't want to see you suffering from that anxiety. I want you to stay somewhere else for a bit. I know your parents have offered for you to stay with them in Ilsan, but I'd rather have you close by. And I'd like to find someone you can talk to. Someone who is trained to help you regain your confidence. Will you consider that?"

"Ok" Clara whispered out so quietly that Taehyung wasn't even sure he heard her.

"Ok to seeing a counselor, or ok to staying somewhere else for a while?"

"Ok to both. If you want me to, I'll do both."

Taehyung paused. She had agreed to what he asked, but was it what she wanted? Or was this just one more example of her letting him have what he wanted without any regard for what she wanted.

"Sweetheart, I want you to tell me what you want. It doesn't matter if that is what I want, I want to know what would make you happy."

After thinking for a bit Clara finally responded. "I think you are right, it might be good to stay somewhere else for a while. But I'm not ready to do anything permanent. I'll start with just one week and see how I feel. Is that ok?"

Taehyung kissed the top of her head. "If that would make you happy, then that is what I want too."

Taehyung began to lay out his thinking, "I think we have three options."

"I've been sleeping at the dorms a lot, just because it is easiest when our schedule is busy. If you want you can come and stay with me there. I'd need to ask the guys but I'm sure they will say yes. But if we do stay at the dorms you should know that we will have to share a bed. Now I don't mind that at all but I'd want you to be comfortable."

"The second option is to stay at my apartment. If you want to stay there I'll come home to the apartment every night. My parents will be close by if you need anything. And you can sleep in the guest bedroom if you want more space. Although I'd still be glad to have you sleeping in my arms if you are willing."

"And finally the third option is to stay with your parents. I know they will take good care of you but it may be even harder for me to see you, and I really don't want to spend any more time apart." Taehyung paused to give Clara some time to think about what she really wanted.

"So, what do you think?"

"I think I'd like to stay with you at the dorms if that is OK? But I don't want to put the others out, I understand if that won't work."

Taehyung quickly assured her, "Don't worry, I'm sure they will say yes. Now let's pack up a few things to take with you. Otherwise you'll have to raid my closet. And while I'd love to see you in my clothes, I want you to make sure you have what you need.