More Than Business

Chapter 153

The tears built up in my eyes and my voice cracked when I spoke, "she won't talk to me." She nodded in understanding and opened her arms to me. I leaned into a hug and she held me tight. It felt like time stood still in that moment. "I just want her to talk to me."

"I know babe. She just needs a moment."

"Then why aren't you in there helping her? I pulled away from her.

"Because what will help her get better sooner, is to know that you're getting the support you need. Because she's upset, yes. But the reason she can't face you right now is because she knows you're hurting too, but she's hurting too bad to be there for you. So as far as she's concerned she's failed you TWICE today." She held my shoulders.

The word twice resonated within me, and it hurt. I stared at her without blinking, "twice?" Before she could respond I continued, "Nic.. does she actually want this? I mean ACTUALLY? Or is she doing it to make me happy?" It hurt to think that she'd been doing all of this just because I wanted a baby or worse- because she felt like she needed to after I told her about the twins.

Instead of giving me a straight answer Nic shook her head, "If it was only for you, she'd be here right now consoling you. Guilt or disappointment whatever you want to call it, she can handle on its own. But right now she is mourning and she is processing and she can't handle processing the guilt or disappointment on top of that." I nodded as a tear fell and I stepped away from her, I started to speak but she gave me a nod that let me know it was unnecessary. "Stay here, I will get her back to you as soon as I can. I can't guarantee the stat she'll be in but I'll get her to you and you two can process and talk and cope together."

"Thank you."

"I'll have someone bring you some tea and maybe some water. If you're hungry I'll order lunch in a bit. Its Lydia's office, so you know- what's hers is yours. You have her computer password if you need to use it. Whatever else- send me a text." She scanned the room with her arm out as she spoke.

"Okay."

LYDIA POV

I sat on the bench by what used to be the floor to ceiling windows in Nic's office. They were still impressive and reached the ceiling, now they were just bench to ceiling instead. I stared out into the city, everything felt calmer from up here. Watching people shuffle through the streets on foot, on bikes, in cars and on buses, every single one of them has a million things on their mind at this very moment but from this height it's just a miscellaneous system of movement. My stomach was still sticky from the gel and the realization brought me back to the doctor's office and I immediately needed it off of me. I peeled off my shirt and used a bottle of water to wet the clean parts of my shirt to scrub the gel off of me frantically. I then found a sweater in Nic's closet to put on before returning to my seat by the window.

Nic entered eventually, she sat in a chair nearby, I knew she wouldn't come over to the window with me so I didn't bother asking.

"Is she okay?" I asked her.

"She's hurting and she's worried about you and she wants you- she needs you."

I leaned my head against the window, "I know in my head I shouldn't be so hurt- I mean, I'm mourning a baby that never existed. It's ridiculous."

"It's not"

I curled myself into a ball and tucked my chin into my chest. She didn't speak up for a while but when she did she spoke in a low near whispered tone.

"What's going on in your head right now?"

"I just want to stay in this little ball and shut the world out for a few days and live under a blanket."