For you I'd risk it all

for the rest of our lives

*Luisa*

I had spent four days in the hospital in London before I was allowed to fly to Zandvoort. Carola and the children had stayed with me in England and only left for Zandvoort this morning.

I was infinitely grateful to her that she had not left me alone.

Everything was just like a fucking nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.

My head was still buzzing a bit as I drove to the track at Zandvoort. I was terribly disappointed that I couldn't drive this weekend. If things went really badly, I wouldn't be driving next weekend either. And if I was honest and listened to my body, I probably really shouldn't, but I still wanted to drive. I really wanted to ride. There were still some races to win. But I knew I couldn't do that now. I just didn't feel good.

Especially because I knew Oscar had dropped off the face of the earth. I wasn't even sure if I had really heard him or if I had imagined it.

It was all just a mess.

And the many people who were now pestering me with questions didn't make it any better. Hundreds of cameras were flashing around me and the beeping in my ear was about to get louder again. I tried to shield my eyes from the flashes.

It was too much. My head started spinning again. It was pounding so hard I felt like I was going to throw up. In no world was I going to be able to drive next week. I pushed my way, one arm in front of my face, through the cameramen.

The beeping drowned out any questions they shouted at me. I just wanted to get in our box and hole up. Maybe I shouldn't have come here. Maybe I should have just stayed at the hotel. But I had wanted to show myself, had wanted to show that I was strong enough. I hadn't wanted to hide from anyone.

It had been a stupid decision.

I just wanted to get out of here. It was too much.

"Hey. Leave her alone!", Heikki pushed his way through the people "Fucking idiots.", he grumbled, putting his arm over my shoulder and pushing me away from them at a fast pace.

"Not so fast, please.", I muttered, struggling to keep up with him.

"Head humming?" he laughed, and I had to admit that a silly remark did leave me a little lacking in the box.

"Yeah.", I held onto his arm and for a moment I was sure I was going to throw up.

"You probably should have stayed at the hotel.", he put his hand on my back and started holding my hair.

"Thanks for the classy tip.", I snapped back ironically and propped myself up on my thighs, but the nausea passed again "It's alright.", I mumbled and straightened up.

He was slow to let go of my hair.

"Seriously. You should go back to the hotel, kiddo."

"No. I'm not going to be brought down.", I grumbled.

He laughed "That has nothing to do with it. You're just not fit yet. You had an accident. It has nothing to do with getting small. But fine. I'll take you to the pits."

"Thanks.", I slumped against him a little as he wrapped his arm tighter around me.

We walked slowly through the alley behind the stalls until we finally reached my stall. Matthias was already coming towards us with a half smile. He took me over from Heikki, nodded to him, and then pushed me in.

"What are you doing here? You should be resting at the hotel."

"I'm glad to see you too," I grumbled.