For you I'd risk it all

let me burn

*Luisa*

Miami had left traces. Deep traces, which I had not shaken off even until Imola. I was trapped in the fear of having to backtrack again and as much as I wanted to prove it to everyone, I prevented myself from doing so. I fought, but I had to admit defeat. I only made it to eighth place that weekend and was probably the person most disappointed in myself.

If that was the effect of pressure on me, I had probably been little more than a glimmer that was soon forgotten. If I didn't find my way back to myself by Monaco, I didn't know if I ever would again.

I had been pacing back and forth in my hotel room for what felt like an eternity.

Phil had gone out with Oscar to celebrate. Just like they had done after every Grand Prix.

And the longer I thought about it, the clearer it had become that he had never been there when I really needed him. He had never supported me the way another man might have. He had never been what I had needed.

And looking back, I didn't understand myself why it had taken me five years to realize that.

That he wasn't there for me today, after such a frustrating day, such a bad race, had just been the straw that broke the camel's back, and yet it was hard for me.

It had to be pretty darn late when Phil finally came back. He seemed surprised that I was still awake.

"Hey, honey." he smiled and came towards me, but I took a step back "It's over."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"It's over.", I repeated and pulled the ring off my finger "I can't do this anymore. What we have, it's nothing. No love. No passion. And you don't care about me that much.  You were never there. Not when I won, and not when I needed you otherwise. You were never there," I pressed the ring into his hand.

"Do you really think you could just leave now? Do you think I'm going to let you just leave me?", he grabbed me roughly by the wrist.

"Yes. I'm leaving. And you're not going to stop me."

"You can't leave me. You need me!", he pulled me to him.

"Let go of me!", I hissed, but he grabbed me tighter.

"You need me!" he yelled, but I pulled away.

"You little bitch aren't going anywhere!" he lashed out, but I caught his hand before anything could happen.

Disgusted, I let go of his hand and left.

I desperately needed fresh air, but I didn't get far, because as soon as I shot out my door, I almost ran into Sebastian. He was already leaning in the doorway of his room door. He had heard everything. Of course he had. By now I wasn't even surprised.

"Let me burn," I whispered.

He reached out his hand and pulled me to him. His hand immediately slipped into my hair, he pulled my face up to him and kissed me. I returned the kiss full of desire.

And if I burned myself on him, he was worth it.

He pulled me with him into his room and closed the door behind us. His hands immediately slid under my shirt. I didn't hesitate for long and helped him pull it over my head. It flew carelessly to the side.

And while his one hand still held my jaw and he kissed me like his life depended on it, his other hand slid down my back before brushing the straps of my bra off my shoulders. He pressed his whole body into me and I could feel him so clearly now while he started to slowly grid against me.

I broke the kiss briefly and gasped an almost breathless "You can do that one-handed?".

He laughed "Mäuschen, I can do many things you don't know about yet".