For you I'd risk it all

Let the games begin

*Luisa*

The guilty conscience had tormented me so much that at some point I had not been able to stand it anymore. As soon as Phil and I had come home from Melbourne, I had confessed to him that Sebastian and I had kissed. He hadn't been thrilled, but had said that he could forgive me. He forgave me on the condition that I stay away from Sebastian from now on. Only talk when it was about work and someone was there. Stay as far away from him as possible.

I promised Phil to stick to it. It was my second chance to make up for everything. It would never happen again anyway, so I could forget about it and put it behind me. I would never go too far again.

Instead, I pushed forward with our engagement and we set a date for the wedding. Phil took care of all the bureaucratic stuff, I went ahead and started looking for a dress. I wanted this marriage so badly. I held on to it with everything I had.

Phil was the one for me and I never let myself doubt that. Not for me and not for anyone else.

Three weeks after Australia, we traveled to Baku. Phil and Oscar accompanied me. It felt good to have Phil by my side, even though I knew he was doing it mainly for control. Between Sebastian and me it was just like before the kiss. All that came from him were biting comments. But he would be surprised.

I had trained hard during the three weeks. Mainly because I had often not been able to sleep at night. There had been so much in my head and before I started worrying, I had hit the punching bag or gotten on the treadmill. No more thoughts. Just the one.

I wanted to win. I didn't just want to score points. I wanted to be on top of the podium. I was here to win and I showed that mentality clearly in the first free practice in Baku.

Baku was one of the more difficult tracks, so tight and twisty. But it suited me and I proved that in qualifying as well by easily finishing fourth and thus had good prerequisites for the sprint tomorrow. I wanted more than just points here.

Exhausted but in a good mood I made my way back to the pits. Halfway there, I was caught up by Max. He put his arm over my shoulder in his usual manner and started to grin.

"You were really fucking dogged today. What's going on? Is Phil in the garage spurring you on extra?" he laughed.

Now a smile slipped across my lips too "I've always been like that. I just had to get used to the car. But wait, a few more races and I'll beat you all with ease."

He didn't know about the Sebastian thing. Nobody knew about it. I had only confessed it to Phil and he had kept it to himself. Probably because it wouldn't have reflected too well on him and our relationship.

"That's what I'm afraid of.", Max laughed nervously "You and Sebastian already make a lot of people in the field look really old.", he pulled me a little closer to him "But as long as you don't beat me..."

"I won't stop at you either," I replied.

Max laughed, then looked to the side and seemed to understand that I was serious.

I loved Max. Infinitely. He was like a little brother to me and I knew I wouldn't be here without his help. But I wouldn't take him into consideration either. It was just like Sebastian had said. It was every man for himself out there. I certainly wouldn't put Max in danger, but I also wouldn't pull back if he was riding next to me. I, just like him, wanted to win.

His laugh tilted in a nervous direction as we reached the pits.

No one was going to stop me from winning.

"Hey honey.", Phil immediately came our way and pulled me out of Max's arm to kiss me. 

It was a demonstration. A show that he could kiss me and no one else. I knew he was only doing it because he wanted to show something, because it had been going on since we got here. And I was sure that we had not kissed so passionately before, since we had come together.