For you I'd risk it all

I love you

*Sebastian*

I stood under the podium and watched her celebrate her first victory.

I wonder if this was what she had in mind.

Max was up there with her and Charles. I had completely failed in Canada. I hadn't even made it into the points.

She deserved to be up there. She had driven an outstanding race. And I couldn't understand how she had managed to turn off the thoughts. I hadn't been able to think about anything but her for a second.

Shit, her not talking to me anymore was worse than anything that could have been done to me. I had been so deep into this. I couldn't just let her go. She was what I wanted. Still was.

But she didn't talk to me. She didn't even look at me anymore.

It burned like a knife that had been plunged straight into my heart.

And perhaps the worst part was that I knew she loved me too and that it hurt her just as much. All I wanted to do was hold her and be happy with her.

But it seemed like it wasn't that easy for us.

Like we just weren't meant to be.

Although we were on fire for each other and with each other. It seemed like something was trying to keep us from being happy with each other.

It hurt immensely.

Wordlessly, I turned away from the podium and made my way back to the pits. The team would surely celebrate soon and I didn't want to spoil her victory. I wanted her to celebrate, to be happy.

I trudged past the few mechanics who had stayed behind and retreated to my driver's compartment to pack up my things. I just wanted to get back to the hotel when a knock on the door caught my attention.

For a moment I had hopes that it was her, but it was Heikki poking his head through the door. I nodded to signal him that he could enter.

"I just wanted to check on you. It wasn't exactly your weekend, was it?" he said trying to be casual, but the tension was written all over his face.

"I don't know myself right now," I admitted.

He had surely noticed that something had happened between her and me. So why should I hide it? It was over anyway.

"What happened?" he sat down on the table and looked at me challengingly.

"I fucked up," I muttered.

"Must be some big shit. She doesn't even talk to you anymore."

"I didn't tell her I was going back to Ferrari. She heard it in the press conference. I just didn't know how to tell her. Man I wanted to tell her, but I didn't know how. I... I love her and I didn't want to lose her. I was afraid if I told her, she wouldn't look at me anymore..."

"And now it's happened because you didn't tell her."

"I can actually understand it. I mean, I'd be pissed off too if she did that, but... If I could I'd undo it and tell her right now," I sat down next to him.

He patted me on the shoulder "Maybe you should talk to her again?"

"She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Let alone talk to me."

"Then make her. Seb, come on. You're usually so intelligent." he poked me in the side "If you care about her, you should at least try."

"And if she won't talk to me?"

"Eventually she will. Someday it might hurt less and..."

"I don't want to wait, though. I love her, you know? I... Fuck man, I want her so bad and now I'm leaving too and it's my fault we don't see each other every day anymore. I gave her my fucking apartment key, told her she could move in with me. I want to make her Mrs. Vettel. I want her to have my kids. I want to spend the rest of my fucking life with her!", I fired my gloves against the wall.