Sold out || A Lando Norris Fanfiction

TWENTY

In the days coming up to my Berlin concert, Lando kept flooding my thoughts. I am now very much convinced that he's the one I want to be spending more time with. Heck, I want to spend every free minute of the day with him. 

Lando so prominent on my mind, that Ava, Ellis and Evi eventually ended up teasing me with it. And I very much deserved that. I was acting like a love sick puppy, eagerly hoping to receive any form of communication from him. Even when they were checking out boys in the pool we were at earlier this week, I could barely bring myself to look. It was just how focussed I was on that one British boy that seemed to be imprinted in my mind. 

He did answer to me wishing him good luck for the race weekend, with an equal wish of luck for my concert. At least that was something. But apart from that, we did not speak to one another. 

At the same time, I was still very much aware of the fact that the media was killing what is still standing of my relationship. It was still bothering me very much. 

Even at this very moment, while I'm standing in the backstage area of the arena I will be performing at later tonight. I know I'm supposed to be making my way to a meet and greet somewhere in this huge building, but my body doesn't seem like it wants to do the same thing. 

"Come on, you're already late." Ava pulls my arm lightly, getting me out of my thoughts a bit. 

"I was already on my way." I just copy her movements, following her to wherever I was needed now. 

"I know you were, but you could do with a little more time management Aims." I just sigh, not really having the energy to go against with anything she says. 

The meet and greet was actually a lot of fun. The question they asked barely mentioned Lando, luckily for me. There was this one girl who was actually wearing Quadrant merch and asked me to sign it, which I did happily. She also told me she got into my music because of Lando, but if anything were to ever happen. She'd have my back because girls stick with girls. It made me laugh, but I assured her everything was good. 

But is it?

I just hope she believed me, because I don't need any other rumours spreading now. 

After the meet and greet, I have dinner with the back ground dancers. All of us looking back on the concerts we've already had, but also looking forward to the once still to come. There's some awesome venues coming. 

And if I'm completely honest, I am looking forward to my home shows the most. With them being at the same time as the Dutch GP, I am hoping that'll be at least one race I can go and visit this year. Even if it's the one that got me in this frantic state of mind to begin with. 

As we're doing a final run down for the show, before people will start getting into the arena, I get anxious again. I can sense that I'm getting slightly emotional while getting to Sowieso Overhoop. Something I'd been dreading for a while now. It's the song I wrote with Lando in mind, and I'm afraid if we keep it this far to the front of the show, I won't be able to make it to the end. 

"Can we put the Dutch section at the end?" I as frantically, running a hand through my hair. Everyone seems a bit surprised with my request, but Ellis does seem to catch on what's going on. "I need it to be at the end." 

"Than we'll get it to the end." Ellis says, looking around to make sure everyone agrees. "We'll pull it out and push it to the end." 

I'm grateful when everyone finally agrees, and after a quick rundown of what comes when, we're all off to our dressing rooms to get ready. I've decided on a cropped tank top and high waisted jeans for today's concert. Something I feel very confident in, an outfit that can actually make me feel a bit more calm. 

I wait with my microphone in hand, until I'm announced through the speakers, before making my way on the stage. Being welcomed by the incredible amount of fans. It gets me every time. I am so thankful for all the people that take time out of their day, and decide to spend a huge amount of money to come and see me sing. 

I make my way through the set, getting a bit nervous as we approach the section where I usually sing in Dutch. However, everyone seemed to have take the notion that we were not doing the Dutch songs here. I try to take a deep breath, without making it too obvious, before continuing with the set. 

And I do, I go through the motions, I do whatever is needed from me. I make my way through the first two Dutch songs in the set, but when I hear the first tunes of Sowieso Overhoop, I'm done for. 

I try to calm myself, trying to keep the tears I've been holding inside. I try to make my way through the lyrics, but can't help breaking down when I come to the second verse. Tears are streaming down my face already. I try to decide what to do, but I can't really think right now. I put the microphone into the holder, before making my from the stage to the dressing room. 

I quickly lock it behind me. No one, and I mean no one needs to see me like this. I quickly go into the bathroom, which is connected to my dressing room. Gathering my hair behind my head in a hair tie, before placing both of my hands on the side of the toilet. 

I hate the taste of throwing up, but my right now my body seems to be fighting everything inside it. It seems to want to get everything out. 

Once I feel like there's not really anything I can throw up anymore, I let myself slide against the cold bathroom tiles. Thoughts about how I just screwed up flood my mind, but I do realise that I cannot go out there again like this. 

I failed my fans.

I just sit there, enjoying the cold tiles until I find an arm wrapped around me. "Hey, don't worry. It's gonna be okay." Ava whispers, trying to soothe me. I'm clearly still crying as I can feel her wipe away the tears. "You're support act has finished the concert wonderfully, and we'll take care of whatever backlash there is. Just take care of you right now, okay?" 

We just sit there hugging, as I try to calm my breathing down. 

How did I fuck up this badly.

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So I don't even know if this chapter makes sense. I just wanted to get something out to you. Two days ago I tested positive for COVID. It's the third time I've got it, and while the first two times I was barely sick, I've been in bed for the last couple of day. So if I'm still a little lagging in the uploading department, there's COVID to blame for that. 

I'm really using you guys to vent here. Because while I live together with my boyfriend, I am very much in self isolation and it's killing me. I feel so lonely, and could really do with a good hug. But let's keep that until I can get out of this stupid quarantine. 

Anyway thanks for your support!