A Starting Point

CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN - SORROW

Heloise (two years later)

— There will be a fair next week. You should go. All the best for coffee shops, restaurants, snack bars, bars and other establishments, you will find there.
I looked at the paper Ashley had just handed me, carefully.
- Interesting! Let's see what we have here…” I said, reading a few bolded topics. "Spices from various countries, roots, presentations of typical dishes from seventeen states, modern cuisine, new appliances that will make life easier for entrepreneurs... Hmm, I like that," I pointed out. — A theater telling the story of coffee, how Captain John Smith introduced coffee to other Jamestown settlers.
— John Smith? Ashley asked with wide eyes. "Isn't that the captain from the movie Pocahontas?"
I confirmed.
"So it was real?"
“It was. And as they say around, she did, in fact, save him, convincing her father that John Smith's death would attract the hatred of the settlers. But there was no atmosphere between them. She was just a girl between ten and eleven years old. Smith was like a language teacher and taught Pocahontas English customs. What's more, he was already a middle-aged gentleman.
"So it wasn't like in the drawing?"
“Well, not like that. After Smith had an accident, he went to England for treatment and the colonists told Pocahontas that Smith had died. At the age of seventeen, she was captured by the English while on a social visit and was held in Jamestown Prison for over a year. And that's when John Rolfe, an Englishman fell in love with her. As a condition for Pocahontas's release, she had to marry Rolfe, who was one of the most important English merchants in the tobacco sector. When she was imprisoned, she was treated like a member of the court. Alexander Whitaker, an English minister, taught Christianity, improved her English, and when she received her Christian baptism, Pocahontas chose the name Rebecca.
- It can not be! My God! And after that, did she get along?
“She had a son, Thomas Rolfe. Afterwards, she discovered that Smith was alive, but, she couldn't find him. Smith sent a letter to Queen Anne, asking them to treat her well. She and some of her people became popular with the nobles.
"Did she and old Smith never see each other again?"
“Yes, they met again. Smith wrote in his books that, that day, Pocahontas did not say a word to him and when they had the opportunity to talk alone for hours, she said how disappointed she was with him, for not having helped to keep the peace between her tribe and the settlers. Months later, Rolfe and Pocahontas decided to return to Virginia, whereupon she fell ill, presumably with smallpox, pneumonia, or tuberculosis. They took the ship they were on back to Grevesend in Kent, England, where she died.
- Poor thing! Wait a minute, how do you know all this?
“Well, at school we did a project on that. It was about family trees and, George W. Bush(17) is a descendant of John Rolfe, who remarried after she died. And Nancy Reagan(18) , is a descendant of Pocahontas. I know too, because I work with cafes. It's important to know the history of what I'm selling. Furthermore, “Uncle” Google is a great help.
Ashley propped her elbow on the table and then her face in her hand. She looked like a sulky child after finding out that Santa Claus didn't exist.
“You destroyed my life. Every time I watch the movie, I'll look at it and say "look there, John Smith had a facelift because he was nothing but an old geezer. What a lie!"
I laughed and she smiled too.
"What else is there?" I hope it's not something that will destroy my childhood again.
"Let's see," I said, smiling, "A homage to the first written reference to coffee in the United States here in Boston in 1670... Homage to the "Boston Tea Party" revolution, and there will also be a demonstration of how the Green grain was roasted over an open fire in the ground, ground in a mortar and then boiled. This is the famous... — I stayed for a few seconds watching the words in front of me — "cowboy coffee"... — I said almost in a whisper.
I stared at the paper, my mind lost somewhere in Clearwater.
— Oh, my friend... He still messes with you, doesn't he?
I nodded slowly and let out a long breath.
“I thought that during these past two years, it would be easier to remember…but, it's not.
“I know you never want to talk about it, but I think you still love him.
“I don't know if it's love, Ashley. I think that turned into a big heartache. I suffered for a long time... I thought he would look for me and dealing with him, I know it would be impossible. I don't think Will even loved me. A man who didn't get attached to anyone, who never wanted something serious with any woman... Impossible to believe he loved me.
“But he had something serious with you. You were the first one who got that from him, Lisy. I wish I could smack him for making you suffer. But on the other hand, I have a feeling of pity for him. Everything he's been through... he IS an insecure, traumatized man. Suddenly, you arrive and change everything. And after all you've suffered at your father's hand, do you really think he wasn't afraid to make you suffer? Then came that accident and he felt so guilty.
“He made up a bunch of excuses to break up with me.
“I think there was something real about it. For example, the blow he gave you... He even unintentionally hit you. He spent his entire childhood watching his father beat his mother. How do you think he felt? And that caused another accident. You could have been hit by a car. In his mind, he hit you, you got run over, and on top of that, you lost a child. Everything seems to be his fault.
- It was not.
“Still, it happened. Johnson provoked him and he could have fought back, without going for aggression and everything happened from that fight. If you were in his shoes, how would you feel? How would you feel, knowing that you hurt the person you love? As much as he was an imbecile, giving up on being happy, he preferred to see her free. I had already done enough damage to you.
Ashley gave a small smile and squeezed her hand in mine. She got up and went to get a cup of coffee.
He went behind the counter and helped himself. He talked to one of my employees and then went into the room to talk to Diana, my manager.
Ashley was now my partner. She took care of the coffee shop downtown and I stayed in this one, close to the college. I closed the cafeteria at my house and turned it into a living room.
I did a lot of things during those two years. The intention was to keep your head busy.
"Keep walking," I told myself every day. And after a while, I got used to loneliness again. I worked, I said "good morning", I smiled at my few friends, I kept my house... I kept my life.
There were times when I felt old, wanting to live only in silence, cut off from everyone. I was looking for peace and I couldn't find it. Did he find her?
I felt hurt when I thought about him. While everyone was sleeping at night, I was a sleepwalker. For not even in sleep did I find peace.
I couldn't hide my anguish, not even when I cleaned my mirror after showering and stared at my face. I looked at myself and saw a downcast face.
Me and Cielo, we talked every week. She never talked about him and I never asked. It still hurt to say her name. And during the nights I dreamed about him, I woke up speaking her name and wept bitterly.
I missed the little wooden house. I missed the moments I had there and the moments I had with Will. And despite all the sadness, I felt strong. I had made it this far without running after him.
Anyway, I had moved on and as the days went by, I felt more pain than love. Maybe it was just hurt, what I had for him. I wanted to believe it.
I moved on. Yes I did it. Even though the feelings were there, making me suffer, I continued to face life every day.
At the end of December, Cielo called me devastated. A blizzard, which didn't happen much in Texas, killed several animals. The snowstorm had arrived without warning and many cattlemen did not have time to put the cattle in the barn.
Some Ferrel dairy cows died, as well as calves and steers. In all, more than thirty thousand cows died across the region.
skysaid that, both on his farm and on neighboring farms, there were a large number of dead animals. They were all discussing how to dispose of the carcass, as if they were buried they could affect the quality of the water and soil. Not to mention that the surviving cows would produce less milk.
There was a moment when she said "lucky is that me and some farmers managed to shelter the rest of the animals, on the farm of..." and then she fell silent. Afterwards, she apologized and continued talking about the damage.
It was the only time she almost spoke of him.

(17)George W. Bush: Former US President.
(18)Nancy Reagan: Widow of former US President Ronald Reagan.