A Starting Point

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN- I WILL GET OVER IT!

Heloyse

The woman was a blonde with enormous breasts that nearly spilled out of the plunging neckline of her red dress. This dress, it barely covered her legs and I swear if she crouched down, you could clearly see her panties. If at all she was wearing it. She had the reddest lips I've ever seen and even though I was on the horse, I could see it clearly.
I knew who she was. It was the same one I saw a few times, with Will.
When the horse stopped walking, Will got down and gave me his hand so I could get off too. There was such discomfort on his face.
When I got down, Will took the horse's reins and walked into the stable.
The blonde, after looking me up and down the way Patsy had, gave Will a huge smile and ran to hug him.
With one hand, Will held the reins and with the other, he hugged her awkwardly, as if he had been taken by surprise.
- Hi cat!
- What are you doing here?
“I came to see you. I've been calling for days and you don't answer. Not to mention that lately, you've been really weird, so I decided to see what's going on.
I didn't know what to do and thought it was best to leave.
"Not wanting to interrupt...
“You already did, darling,” the vulgar blonde said, her hands still glued to Will's.
Oh, how I wanted to kill her! I ignored her and continued talking.
“I thank you for everything, but I have to go. Until any time...
Will pulled away from her, causing her eyes to widen. Afterwards, he took one of my hands and looking at me, whispered an apology. I nodded in agreement and pulled my hand away, but he remained holding it.
"Stay and have lunch with me."
"I..." I couldn't answer because the woman's irritating voice cut me off.
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend, dear?"
He kept looking at me for a few seconds, after a long sigh, he turned to the blonde and made the introductions.
— Heloise, this is Mary. Mary, this is Heloise.
"Nice to meet you." She smirked and then wrapped her hands around Will's waist.
“Will never told me about you.
"You should have told them you were coming."
He removed her hands from his waist and crossed his arms over his chest, watching her for a few seconds.
- Why are you treating me like that? She made a little pout that honestly disgusted me. "You always like it when you see me." I don't understand the reason for acting like this.
“I think you'd better go. I have visitors and I won't be able to pay attention to you.
— Ah... So you can receive her, but not me? the blonde said raising her voice.
"Enough, Mary!" I'm sorry for not answering your calls, it's just that right now I can't give you all the attention you want. Please... If you can go, I appreciate it.
I sensed a slight disappointment in the expression on Mary's face. I remembered what Johnson had said about Will discarding women like they were trash. It bothered me and I wondered if it would be like that for me too. I felt afraid and decided that I shouldn't be there. If he had started something, this must end. I couldn't bear to be discarded.
“Will, darling, I can see you're trying hard to be polite.” She looked my way and smiled. “And you, girl, must be the cause of all this effort. But, make no mistake. He's not like that. Will is far from treating a woman politely. Now you're new, and like everyone else, he'll dump you without a second thought. And he always ends up coming back to me, because I'm the only one who supports his temper. He didn't talk about me? Didn't he tell you that we've been at this for three years?
"I think you'd better stop..." and spoke in a low voice.
“Will is no gentleman. I do not care. I love men like that. But, I doubt you'll like it. That weak, passionate face of yours will disappear when you discover that behind the mask of that guy who held your hand, there is a man who doesn't get attached or bend to any woman...
- What the hell! Shut up!
When Will screamed, I jumped in fright. He grabbed Mary by the arm and started to lead her out of the stable. I no longer heard her raised voices or the sounds around me.
What had just happened there?
I didn't want to be like the ones Will dismissed. Johnson was right. Patsy was right. Mary was right.
Three years and he treated her like this? I imagined what it would be like for me.
Will was the kind of man who pushed people away, and I hated being pushed away. I couldn't stand rejection. It would repeat itself all over again. I would fall in love and then be changed.
The problem is that I was already in love.
I found strength in my legs and started walking. After a few steps, I saw Will in front of me.
His face didn't have any expression that showed regret for what he had done. He crossed his arms and looked at me for a moment. Afterwards, he shoved his hands in his pockets and looked toward the stable, looking away from me.
"I'm sorry." He looked at me and this time, I couldn't meet his eyes.
I lowered my gaze and let out a large amount of air.
- It does not seem.
— Heloyse... — he said approaching me.
I held up my hand, stopping him.
“Please, Will, let me go. In fact, I think it would be good if we stopped here. I want to end this. What happened yesterday will not happen again.
Will ran his hands through his hair and then over his mouth.
"Finish what we don't have?" he said, gesturing with his hands in the air.
I looked at the floor and nodded in agreement.
“You're right, Will. We have nothing. If what happened was nothing... If there's still nothing, I respect that.
He let out a long breath and glared at me.
- You are right. This must end here, whatever it is. I really am like Mary said. I don't get attached to anyone. I stay with a woman for staying. Just sex, then I don't care anymore...
"Don't go on... This is horrible!" You deceive them and then treat them as if they were disposable objects. This is so inhuman... You are a scoundrel who...
- What do you know about me? You barely know me and you think you can judge me? I'm sorry to inform you, but, you don't know me. So keep your criticisms to yourself.
“Am I judging you? I laughed bitterly. "You said yourself that you deceive women and...
- I did not say that! Crap! I said I don't get attached and that it's just sex.
“That's the same thing.
"A hell of a thing!" I don't force any of them to lie in a bed with me. They know what I want because I make it clear and it's not my fault if someone falls in love with me. I cannot control the feelings of others. When I go out with a woman, I'm sincere and I make everything very clear.
“How sweet of you, Will. You're sincere, that's good,” I said wryly. “Then you should have told me that I was one of those women you only wanted sex with. I wish you had clarified that instead of inviting me to have coffee with you, as if you wanted my company.
Will lowered his face and thought for a few seconds.
“I didn't just think about sex with you. I mean... Not necessarily.
— Could you explain further? I said crossing my arms.
“First, if I wanted to dump you, it would have been after the night we got together. I wouldn't have had coffee with you, or had any conversation. Second, I'm a man. Of course I want to be with a beautiful woman like you, but I never thought about taking you to bed and ditching you the next day.
- And why not?
- I don't know.
- How do not you know?
“I thought we could spend some time together, but no strings attached,” he said after taking a deep breath.
“You're a fucking messed up guy.
- And I am! And no woman would want my company for a long time. The thing is, I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to. Anyway, I wish we could get to know each other. I thought we could spend some time together while you don't go back to your life in Boston. When I saw you today, I had every intention of talking to you about this. It would be a pleasure for both of us.
— And Mary? Isn't it already pleasurable with her? Because by the way she behaved, you have something else.
“We don't have anything, Lisy. And she never behaved like that. That's precisely why I kept going out with her. She has never cared what I do and has never questioned who I date. She never showed jealousy or got on my case. She hasn't even, ever entered my house, or had breakfast with me. She doesn't have an important place in my life.
“Looks like things are changing between you.
“There's nothing between us. Understand this, shit!
“What I understand, Will, is that I got out of a relationship where the guy I loved the most left me and that made me lose my ground. We would be creating a time bomb. You don't get attached and I do. Michael took my heart and gave it back in pieces — I took a deep breath and continued. — I no longer have a whole heart to give to anyone. But, I also can't get involved with someone, even without commitment. This is nonsense.
"That's all I can offer." I wanted to give you something more, but I can't.
I looked at him and saw all the sincerity in his eyes, yet I couldn't help the pain his words caused me.
- I get it. Unfortunately, I'm not the type who doesn't care. When I'm with someone it's because that someone fulfills me. And what you propose is something very empty. I'm already too empty to delve into something that doesn't make sense in my life. In fact, I shouldn't even think about being with anyone. We stopped here.
He looked at me and nodded.
I turned my back and walked away without having time to hear what he was going to say.
I had made a decision: I wasn't going to let him get close. I didn't look back and I didn't hear his footsteps behind me. That was good. He had understood.
But if that was good, why did I feel an ache in my chest, to the point where tears ran down my face? My mind accused and questioned me:
"Again suffering, Lisy?When will learn?"
But everything is fine. I got over Michael and I would get over this too. I would get over it for sure! I would get over it!
I'll get over it!
I'll get over it!
And I repeated these words several times, trying to deceive my heart.