Painful - A Jacksepticeye x Depressed Reader FanFiction

Chapter 9 - confessions

(y/n) pov.

I was very relieved that I woke up without a headache. I felt better. Some nurses came in my room and talked to me about how I felt and how I was doing. Half an hour later two doctors came in and asked me the same questions. I was asked if I wanted to try to stand up and I immediately said "Yes...absolutely." I was already able to sit up on my own. I turned sideways so my legs were hanging from the bed. My feet touched the ground and I two nurses helped me stand up. I felt great. "Are you feeling alright? Any numbness in your legs?" "They're a bit weak." "That's normal. Any pain in your head?" "No." "Can you try and take some steps?" I slowly moved one foot before the other. It was hard but possible. I took some baby steps. Then I sat down again. I was a bit out of breath. The doctors took some notes. Then all of them left the room.

An hour later I was transferred to the normal ward. I texted Sean the room number so he would find me later. I was still very nervous about what I wanted to tell him. I was not sure how he would react to something like that. "Hey Sean, I just wanted to tell you that I'm addicted to self-harm and suicidal...but don't treat me any different that before..." I sighed. I prayed it would go well.

Before Sean came to visit I asked one of the nurses to help me get dressed. I wanted to get out of the hospital gown. My parents had brought me some clothes from my apartment and my laptop. I opened Twitter. The notification icon could only display "999+". I read a lot of them. Then I opened Instagram and it was the same. A lot of people DMd me. Apparently, a few of the people from my school recorded the accident and posted the videos online. I immediately had to close the app. I was shaking and felt sick. I felt like throwing up. My head was hurting as bits and pieces of Monday flashed through my head. I was not able to remember much, but it was enough to send me into a panic attack. I closed my eyes and started focusing on my breathing.

15 minutes later I felt better. "Sean will be here soon", I thought. I would ask him to look through the messages and delete the once containing pictures and videos of the accident. I was not ready to face that yet. I grabbed my phone and wrote a note:

"Hey guys, it's me (y/n). I just wanted to give you a quick update since I just disappeared unannounced the last few days. As most of you may have already noticed, I had an accident on Monday. Don't worry, I'm feeling better again. I'm not ready to talk about it, so I would ask you to respect that. I know most of you are just worried and want to know if I'm okay, but...I just need some time to myself right now to process all of this. You'll see whether I talk about it in the future or not. All you need to know is: I'm alive and well.

I know that some pictures and videos of the accident are making the rounds on the internet. I would ask you not to share these or publish them yourself. And above all: please don't send me screenshots or links of it.

I will post an update regarding the video and streaming schedule soon. But that could take a few more days, depending on when I'm released from the hospital.

Thanks for your understanding.

Lots of love, (y/n)"

I screenshot the note and post the image on Twitter and Instagram. I wanted people to know I am alright. The door opened and Sean stepped inside. "Hey", I greeted him. "Hey. How're you doing?" "Better." "That's great news." I pointed at the chair next to me. He sat down. "How are you?" "Sleepy. I stayed up late and recorded a bunch of stuff." "I stood up today. Even took some steps", I told him. I was proud. "That's amazing." Sean took his laptop out of his bag. "Time for Stranger Things." I sighed.

"Sean, before we start the show...There is something I need to tell you." My voice was quiet. He looked at me as he knew what was coming.

I took a deep breath. "Did you see my left arm?" I looked him in the eyes. I did not need to be more specific. I saw that he knew what I was talking about. I took another deep breath. "I...I am addicted to self-harm..." I was barely able to say these words. He said nothing. I figured he was waiting if I was already finished with my confession. "I've been mentally unwell for the past 5 years...and started 3 years ago." I looked at him to signal that I was finished, and it was his chance to talk. Sean probably did not know what to say because he opened his mouth and closed it again. So, I started apologizing. "I'm sorry for taking you by surprise. I...I just figured you saw my scars and...I knew it was going to come up anyway...So I thought I'd tell you the truth now before I lie to you when you bring it up some time later. I..."

"(y/n)", he said I a bit of a sharp tone. He wanted me to stop rambling on about how sorry I was. "It's fine...Thank you...for being honest with me about it." I looked at him. I was concerned. "It's okay if you want to leave now. I can understand you don't want anything to do with me anymore." "Nah, I'm staying." "Why? I just told you I'm a complete mess and you..." "Because..." He paused for a second. "I...I like you...a lot. So no, I'm not going to leave just because of your addiction" looked at him. I was in shock. "Wait...with like you mean..." He stood up.

"I have to tell you something too. On Sunday when I drove you home from the cinema, I asked you if you wanted to go to a picnic with me on Monday. You then asked me if it was a date." I looked at him like he was a ghost. I couldn't believe those words came out of his mouth. "Then we talked about how much I like you." I did not say anything. I couldn't because the situation was too surreal. I had no memories of this conversation.

"I haven't told you yet because I didn't want to overwhelm you with it. You have no memories of the day, so I wanted to wait until you were better."

Sean pov.

I felt bad. "Sorry...", I said quietly and sat down again. (y/n) was still in shock about what I said. "I know, I should have waited, but...I just had to tell you." She looked at me. "No...it's...it's okay. I'm...glad you told me. Sorry...it's just...a lot." We both looked at each other. Nobody said a word. I grabbed my laptop and logged into Netflix. "I'll give her some time to process everything", I thought and started Stranger Things. I placed the laptop on the small table next to her bed. "You can sit next to me on the bed, if you want", she said quietly. I did so.

(y/n) was still a bit shaken by the conversation we had earlier but she really enjoyed the first episode. "Another one?", I asked her. She nodded. So we kept watching. Halfway through the third episode she got a text. "Your parents?", I asked. She nodded. "They're on their way to the hospital. Probably to say goodbye. They talked about flying back home tomorrow." "Should I go? You probably want some time alone with them." She looked at me – I could sense she was a bit concerned. "Everything okay?", I asked. She snapped out of it. "Yeah. Everything's fine." "You did not answer my question. Should I go?" She thought about it for a while. Then she nodded. "I think it's for the best if it's just them and me. We might need to talk about a lot of stuff before they leave." I got up and grabbed my laptop. "I understand. We can continue watching tomorrow, if you want." "That would be great." I said goodbye and left the hospital.

On my way out I saw her parents entering the building. Her mother waved me over. "Hello Mr. and Mrs. (y/l/n)", I greeted them. "Hello Sean. It's nice to see you. How are you doing?" "I'm fine. (y/n) told me you're flying home soon?" Her mother nodded. "We booked a flight for tomorrow morning. Sadly, we can't take more time off work." "Oh..." "But we know you will keep an eye on her." "I will." We talked a bit more and said goodbye. I went to my car and drove home.