Destructing The Flame's Deception

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

I don't know if I did the right thing. I am suddenly feeling guilty for leaving him in a situation like that. We didn't break up, but I just put a huge barrier between us.

I was still hurt. There's no second that I will not cry because he just fooled me. And what hurts me more is… he hid it from me for one year. He pretends to be okay, he pretends as if he doesn't have a problem, he did it for one year.

He should have told it to me in those one year. How could he hide it from me? How could his conscience take it? Doesn't he think that he should tell it to me as soon as possible?

I understand his side. I am trying to understand him. I am always understanding him, but this time… it was so hard for me to understand him. I understand that he just did that because he doesn't want me to stress me out, but I'm his girlfriend. I should be there for him. But how could I be there for him when he doesn't want to share his problems with me? I trust him, I always share every problem with him, but why can't he do the same thing?

He trusts me, right? He loves me. And I know that. I don't want to question his love for me. It's just that… It felt like he's not trusting me enough because he's obviously scared to tell me the truth, or… he was just scared that I would leave him when he told me the truth.

I think… This was the best decision. To put a huge space between us. In this case, with what I did, I hope he will learn his lesson. I hope… he could continue studying without thinking about me.

I should focus on my career, and he should focus on his studies. We should both prioritize that first before anything else. Our relationship will never end. We will just rest for the meantime. And I will never forget to ask him if he was doing fine.

Nanghingi din ako ng payo kila Avhril at Phoebe, kaya nalaman na rin nila ang relasyon namin ni Silas.

"We're not shocked. Obvious naman noong mga first year pa lang tayo." Phoebe stated.

"Pero kung ako ang tatanungin, what you did was the best. Gaya ng sabi mo, hindi naman kayo maghihiwalay, kaya ayos na iyon. Sana lang, kahit ganoon ang lagay n'yong dalawa, makapag-aral pa din sana nang maayos si Silas." sabi ni Avhril.

"Nagtataka nga kami nitong mga nakaraang buwan, kung bakit hindi na namin nakikita si Silas. Iyon pala, drop out na siya dahil panay ang skip niya sa mga classes, minsan ay hindi na talaga siya pumapasok ng buong araw. Ilang beses na din siyang kinausap ng mga admin sa school. Una, tinanggal na si Silas sa dean's lister. Pangalawa, tinanggalan na din siya ng scholarship. Pangatlo, drop out na siya."

Habang kinekwento nilang dalawa ang mga nangyari noon kay Silas, mas labis akong nasaktan. The fact that all of these happen because of me. Because Silas can't leave me at that time.

"Awang awa kami kay Silas. His eyes don't look the same anymore. Namamaga minsan ang mga mata niya, para na siyang panda dahil sobrang lalim na ng eyebags niya. There were also times when he was about to pass out. Iyon pala, wala siyang tulog. Pinipilit niyang pumasok para mag-aral. Hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang hindi pumasok." sabi ni Avhril.

"And that was because of me. All Silas did was to be there for me anytime and anywhere. Ni hindi ko manlang namalayan na hindi na pala siya nag-aaral dahil mas pinipili niya ako." 

Phoebe shook her head. "Wala kang kasalanan, Ocean. That was Silas's choice. And that choice leads him into consequences. Hindi mo dapat sisihin ang sarili mo."

"Pero kaya siya nagkaganoon ay dahil sa akin. May kasalanan din ako. Hindi ko siya naiintindi dahil mas'yado kong iniintindi ang sarili ko. Sa puntong… hindi ko na napapansin na may kakaiba na pala sa kanya, na may mali na pala." bumuntonghininga ako.