I'll Love You For A Lifetime [Heartstopper, Tara x Darcy]

Year 10: Tell your secrets to the bees

Darcy's pov

Tara changed into her pyjamas and I couldn't help but stare at her beautiful curves. They were getting more prominent over the years. Her breasts were definitely developing and so were mine. I tried to stop myself, but before I knew it, my body was aching for her.

While she was buttoning up her shirt, I walked up to her and hugged her from behind. Tara stopped and put her hands on top on mine, pulling my arms tighter around her waist. She turned my palms up and looked at the drying blood running parallel to the natural lines of my hands. Then she raised my hands and kissed them gently.

Sometimes I felt like over the years, she had started understanding me better than I understood myself. She almost naturally knew what I was thinking, what I needed. I needed her. I needed this silence between us. I needed her to know that I had been hurt, but never think that it changed anything about me. Or maybe it did, she simply adapted to it.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you too," she said, "Should we watch a movie and cuddle?"

"Sure," I said, grinning at her.

"Something cheerful?" she said.

"No, I've been wanting to see 'Tell it to the bees' for a while now. Let's watch it."

Emotional trauma on top of pre-existing emotional trauma feels amazing, you know?

"Why would you leave someone you love?" I said, between sobs, as both the girls shared one final kiss before the train started moving, parting them to their separate ways.

"I don't know, but I guess that is the thing about love you know?" Tara said, contemplatively. She was affected by the movie, but not as affected as I was. "It is supposed to make you stronger. I think that their love was so strong, they were willing to sacrifice for it to do the things that they were really passionate about."

"Bro," I said, my voice cracking as I buried my face in her shoulder, "How can you be so hard hearted? Are you gonna leave me that easily too?"

Tara chuckled, "They did not leave easily. That is the whole point. It was hard for them to leave each other but they did it anyway because they knew it was best for both of them."

"I hate you," I said, wrapping my arms around her neck.

"Hate you back," she said, kissing my cheek.

***

Tara fell asleep about fifteen minutes later, but I couldn't. There wasn't anything particular bothering me, I just simply could not sleep. I closed my eyes, thought about the movie, opened my eyes and looked at the clock, and again closed my eyes. This cycle continued for about an hour before I finally realised there was no point in trying.

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Again, I was not thinking about anything in particular, I simply watched myself, eventually taking my oversized tee off and standing stark naked in front of the mirror except for a pair of baggy shorts hanging down to my knees.

At that moment, I did not hate my body, I did not love it. I felt like someone else looking at someone else's body.

I crossed my arms and rubbed my skin as if I was feeling cold, but I wasn't. Closing my eyes, I thought of someone else's arms around me instead. I ran them down to my belly and inhaled. Tara's hands. I needed them to be Tara's hands, not mine. And as if she had heard me calling to her, I heard Tara's voice from the crack of the door.

"Love, you in there?"

"Yes, baby," I said, letting my arms hang loose beside me.

"You okay? Can I come in?"

"Yes."

The door opened and Tara walked in. Looking at me, she stopped at the door, her eyes went from my eyes to my chest to my torso. She gulped, and closed the door slightly behind her.

I let her look, my face expressionless.

"Should I-?" she said, and pointed her thumb at the door, but her eyes were on my skin.

I shook my head and beckoned her to come closer to me. She did, immediately. I clutched her hands and put them on my waist, slowly guiding them to the places I wanted them to be. Tara's lips parted open as I lead her fingers to my breasts. She knew what to do next and I moved my own hands away.

I breathed in and her lips clashed against mine. I let my own hands touch her chest. She quivered.

"Can I?" I said, tugging at her top. She nodded, kissing my lips again. I unbuttoned her shirt. She was wearing a comfy sports bra underneath. I have no idea why she wears it to sleep. I personally find bra's so uncomfortable, I would walk around the town without wearing them if stupid pervs did not stare at me. Tara did not wait for me this time, she pulled off her bra herself.

Look, it's not like I was completely unaware of what she looked like, but we usually got intimate under dimmed lights. Today the lights were bright and livid and I saw her properly for the first time. She wasn't model perfect, I'm not gonna lie about it here, but she was as perfect a human could be. Her breasts had thin stretch marks running down them as her skin tried to hold her rapidly growing body, and so did her hips, but she still looked breathtakingly beautiful. The confidence with which she let me see her, and how easily she let me run my fingers along her stretch marks was attractive as fuck.

I twirled my fingers around the curly locks running down her forehead and tugged her by the waist, "I have wanted to do things with you."

Tara leaned down and kissed my collarbone. I tilted my head back.

"I've wanted to do them for a while now," I continued.

"Me too," she said, "but I think I need some sleep. I do not have the energy to do anything right now."

"Oh," I said. My heart shrank a little. I did not know if she was turning me down politely or she really meant the words literally.

"Let's get some sleep," she raised herself on her ankles and kissed my forehead. She closed the lights of the bathroom and walked us both to the bed, her hands in mine all the while.

As we spooned together in bed, I finally said it out loud. And trust me when I say that it took every inch of my confidence to say it.

"I did not cross a line, did I?"

"Pfft, not at all," Tara said, "I loved every moment of it."

"Thank god," I sighed.

"I am literally cuddling with you right now. Isn't that enough proof that I don't hate you?"

"I mean, I guess?"

She giggled and turned around. Then she did something she had never done before. She raised her head and rubbed her nose against mine affectionately. My stomach burst into a thousand butterflies.

"Now sleep, dummy," she said, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I said and I was so glad she could not see me blushing.

As Tara's warm breath fanned my face, I thought to myself: My little bee, will you stay forever if I tell you all my secrets?