The 14th Concubine of a Harem King

Rumors

Lorora

Days pass and the flowers begin to wilt. Our gardeners slowly run out of things to do and just loiter around. I sent mine away already but most of the other concubines still have theirs. Yesterday I laid out the plans for Umbeg's valley region, left it in on the king's office table, Malyke came to observe it then I told him my reasoning for all of it while we did our swordsmanship practice. I'm not sure what Sayra has been up to these days but we've met discreetly a couple times in Umbeg away from the watchful eyes of Yalise. I promised Yalise I would take a step back from talking to and seeing Sayra and she wouldn't say anything about the Umbeg ordeal. She thought I made the decision primarily to teach Malyke how to develop his ruling capabilities. That's what i tell myself too. After Umbeg I promised not to do anything in the spotlight again and stay quiet just like Yalise wants. It was hard to convince her it was okay and make her promise not to tell my father. Since then, I've been trying to make it up to her for my behavior that night I ran away to Umbeg. Yalise often got angry with me back at home for being too kind to someone and often scolded me if I flaunted my father's affection. She just wants me to be safe and not suffer the same fate as my mother. But I feel suffocated, unlike how I've felt before. I crave the wide admiring eyes of Sayra. She's still busy scheming and plotting as usual but I watch my high morals fall whenever I look at her. I got addicted to Sayra since the day she called me beautiful. Discontent for this quiet life I built is seeping into my soil.

Today, I'm sitting on the bed where I saw Sayra's tattoo. The soft blue curtains blow in the early autumn breeze. Yalise is choosing our food at the main palace yard so I snuck into this room and stare up at the slanted light wood roof. It's so peaceful I want to die. This room doesn't even smell like her anymore. It's getting dark and apart from the eggs I found awhile ago growing up and becoming frogs, nothing of note has happened today. I named them Farly and Hama 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 until all 30 of the surviving tadpoles hopped out of the water. Some went into the garden, some visited my fish pond and others went to the other concubines gardens. I chuckle when I imagine Fyria screaming at the sight of Farly no. 19. The concubines don't come to visit me at all anymore. Sayra pretended I never forgave her for trespassing and arresting Yalise and her bruises from that fight with Harlym were from me. It was a clever arrangement I suppose. But I miss her terribly.

"You will never guess who I talked to yesterday?" Two voices approach as they walk past my window. They pause, they clearly intend for me to hear this. I'll oblige. It's Drasia's voice.
"Who was it?" Says Rundale. I sigh inwardly, Rundale pretends she never played Qawell with me now, but since she wins more often her status among the other concubines has gone up. This harem I'm in is ridiculous.
"Ulishi," says Drasia.
"Ulishi never talks to us!" Says Rundale.
"Shhhh," hushes Drasia loudly, right by my window, the only window in my home that has a light on at the moment.
"She says Lorora is eyeing up Sayra's position. You heard she is involved now in the country's affairs. Meddling like a shameless vixen. Can you believe it?"
"But Lorora isn't even close to as beautiful as Sayra is, how could she gain the kings favor?" Replies Rundale. "Sayra could help the country just as well as Lorora can, it's just because Lorora is a princess she thinks she's better than our poor girl, Sayra."
"We have to protect her from Lorora! She trusts us with her whole heart and we can't let a snobbish princess ruin our precious Sayra!" Says Rundale passionately.
I cover my mouth from laughing. Oh to be this naive.
"Lorora is bad news, we have to make the king realize just how awful she is. We welcomed her and she turned her nose up at us. Even Ulishi is nicer! Pass it on to the others. We can't let that stupid princess change our happy lives!" Says Drasia and they pass on. An all too familiar sinking feeling comes over me. That's right, I'm ugly and uncharismatic. Even if they thought about it and realized Sayra has been cheating and lying and using them to get her position this entire time, but I'll be the villain. Because Sayra is perfect, she must be protected, she must be admired, she must be loved. I chuckle to myself. And here I am, becoming just as addicted if not more to that vixen while my dearest friend and mother figure is painfully watching on. At least I know I'm stupid for falling like this. But here I am, thinking I'm special. Maybe she has each of the others think they're special too. They're her favorite, they're the only ones she's told her secrets to. Intense self doubt fills me. She learned exactly what to say to me so I would fall. There's no way she actually thinks I'm beautiful and capable and smart. She's probably laughing and playing me like a fiddle. Perhaps to eliminate me through Ulishi. I curl up my knees to my chest and try to shake off these thoughts and feelings. No, she has shown me weakness, I protected her from Harlym. She... she... she said I'm beautiful. A big tear rolls down my cheek. I'm so stupid. This is why Yalise was so angry with me.

My spiral of self doubt is interrupted by a loud knock on the door. I stand up, wipe my face and go to the door. It must be one of the kids asking me for something or crying to me about whatever fight they just had with Malyke. I take a deep breath.
"Sayra?"