The 14th Concubine of a Harem King

Like a Full Moon on a Clear Night

Lorora

"Ro! You came to see me yourself!" Sayra rushes to the door, her soft freckled cheeks flushed. Why did she come to the door herself?
"Let's go for a walk," I say curtly.
She pouts and takes her shawl off a hook. Her indoor colors have been changed to blue and silver, much more pleasing to the eyes. I'm not going to tell her that though, I have to get angry with her. She takes my arm and smiles brightly.
"I'm so happy you came to see me. I couldn't believe it when my maid said you were walking up to my door. I was certain she was joking. You always just summon me if you want me. This is so much more special," she blabbers on nervously.
"Why did you tell Garnam to put me in charge of Umbeg?" I say curtly.
She pauses on the little stone garden path.
"I didn't. I told him to ask you how we should deal with the thieves and muggers," she replies. "Why would he want you in charge of Umbeg?"
I breathe a sigh of relief. So it was all the king's doing. He noticed I got carried away and tried to take advantage of it to measure my competence. Sayra has nothing to do with it.
"So what are you doing with Umbeg?" She asks.
"Nothing of course! It's none of my business. Nothing good comes out of getting involved in local politics," I reply. I pause at a beautiful lilac down by my feet.
"But you could help them, couldn't you?" She says.
"Of course, but if I get involved with Umbeg under my own name people will think I'm being flashy or trying to rise in my rank," I reply simply.
"So you'll dress up in that tacky cloak of yours, hide in the shadows, take 10 times as long to do the good you want to just to avoid stepping on a few toes?" She says.
"A few toes who belong to people with a lot of swords," I reply laughing.
"You have a sword too!" She says. "It's not like you're going to get killed. You're basically the most powerful woman here because of your father. What's so bad about allowing people to see you're wise and helpful?" She says gripping my arm even tighter.
"What does it matter to you? I didn't know you cared so much about Umbeg," I chuckle.
"I care about you! You make yourself so small and hide behind your label of the 'plain princess' when you're actually smart, powerful, kind, and everything a good princess should be," she turns to face me. "I've seen firsthand how strong you are. You're clever and good. Nobody is like that these days. You should let yourself be noticed for it!"
I frown. "So you are advising the king to utilize me?" I look her straight in the eye. She falters.
I sigh so deeply I feel it in my soul. "I really hoped you wouldn't be like this, Sayra. I hoped I could trust you but now you're going behind my back to play your silly power games and I'm a pawn in it."
She shakes her head furiously. "No! You're the most powerful piece on the board! Nobody can defeat you."
"I don't want to play, Sayra! Why can't you understand that? Not everyone is like you and wants to reach the top with money and power and prestige! Some people are happy being quiet, boring and plain and I'm one of them!"
Sayra raises her hand and slaps me. My eyes widen in horror.
"What did you just dare to do you little filth?" I hiss.
She raises her chin. "Call yourself plain one more time and I'll slap you again, even if you have me beheaded for it!"
"What?" I'm dumbfounded. Her eyes are flashing and some curly tendrils of hair are slipping out of her updo. I swallow hard, why is she still so damn pretty.
"You aren't plain!"
"Well I'm not beautiful like you and the other concubines, and the queen and my sisters and all my other peers," I reply listing it off. "It doesn't matter to me. I can easily avoid notice like this and do whatever I want."
"You're the most beautiful person I've ever met!" she snaps back. "I don't care if the king doesn't see it, or your peers or your family. I see it! You're perfect, like a full moon on a clear night! You're everything a princess should be. No one holds a candle to you, why can't you see that? You think everyone else has the right to rank and prestige because they were born with straighter teeth, fairer skin, and brighter eyes? You think just because of their looks they have the right to rip around the people under them with no compassion because you're too busy covering your tracks pretending to be small and incompetent?"
"You know nothing of what you're talking about, Sayra! You don't know what it's like! How bad it is the higher you get, the more eyes on you, the uglier they stare."
"Let em stare! I'll kick them for you!" She replies back.
"You'd die, Sayra! Don't you get it?" I pause and take a deep breath. "If they can't get to me, they'll find everyone around me and hurt them. If you stay around me, you'll get killed. If I utilize my strengths, you and Yalise will pay the price for it."
She grinds her teeth. "Stop making yourself small for other people's sake. I'm sick of watching it. It's off-putting and painful to watch someone like you, cower in a corner."
I strike her. "I'm not cowering, I'm avoiding bloodshed!"
"Bloodshed will happen regardless, only who's blood it is, is the question," she snaps. "Innocent people caught up in the power struggles or the beautiful and ambitious that you admire so much?"
I pause, she isn't wrong. Despite having no moral compass Sayra has proven my arguments wrong. But she has no right to speak to the king about me.
"Leave me out of your games, I want no part in them," I say in a low voice. "If you can't keep your grimy fingers off my life I will never speak to you again." I turn to go.
Sayra purses her lips. "You're just too afraid to admit to yourself that you're better than this! It's comfortable being small, isn't it?"
"Stop!" I snap. "Enough out of you!"
Sayra glares at me. "No! I won't stop until you stop diminishing yourself."
"How can you be so naive?" I growl, and start walking away.
"How can you be so small minded?" She retorts running to catch up to me.
"How can you just go behind my back and try to play your games with me?" I pick up the pace down the trail towards my home.
"How can you have all this power and intelligence and hide it under a rock?" She snaps back.
"I trusted you, Sayra! And now you're trying to get me involved in the very things I go out of my way to avoid! And you knew it too!"
"Why would you trust me?" She demands. "You know what kind of person I am."
"You're forgetting I have your secrets!" I reply.
"And I have one of yours too!"
"Which you're already trying to manipulate me with!" I'm red in the face I'm so angry.
"You knew what kind of person I was the moment you laid eyes on me," she says.
I pause, we are in a grove. Large oak trees hover over us in a canopy. Her hair is falling out of the pins. Wild and untamed just like her eyes, just like everything else about her. Ugh, I wish I could think like her. Take risks and to hell with the consequences. Stand in a room full of wealthy women and win every one of them over with a smile. I wish I had her charisma, her ability to be liked and loved. To be wanted and adored. I wish I had her mind. I almost wish I had her background. I wish I didn't make myself small. I wish I didn't marry Garnam and stayed with my father. Even became crown princess if my older siblings were deemed unfit. I wish...
"Ro, why are you crying," she says.
I shake out of it. I was leaning up to her while she backed into a tree. Now she's pinned up against it, staring at me with wide questioning eyes. My heart pounds. How could one person be so beautiful?
I pull away and bite my lip. "I'm sorry. I'll see you later," I say and forgetting about my royal dignity I run out of sight. What was I doing? What is going on? What am I feeling? Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!