𝐒𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐒 | HAN LUE

𝟑𝟖

2001

Nine months.

It had been nine months since she found out she was pregnant. It wouldn't be long until she would pop.

She was a nervous wreck.

It also didn't help that her water broke in the middle of a lecture.

Frankie had no idea how she'd balanced this pregnancy with being a full-time student, but she was glad that it was coming to an end.

There was no one to drive her to the hospital or hold her hand through it all.

She was alone.

It wasn't anything new.

The contractions weren't bad. Neither was the labour. The constant numbness she felt was enough to keep her together during the twenty hours of labour.

That was until the doctor had shown her the baby boy she'd been growing for nine months. Every emotion just came down like a giant waterfall and turned into constant tears. It made her not even want to hold the life she had created.

None of the doctors or nurses knew what to do. They'd never seen a mother decline to hold their child for the first time.

It took her a whole day until she felt comfortable enough to hold her child and when she did she felt nothing.

Frankie expected to feel a burst of magic or something blissful.

She felt nothing.

It made her cry until she couldn't cry anymore.

Did she hate her child?

The nurses taught her how to feed him and change him, just like they normally would with every new mother. Frankie just couldn't get it right. Her son declined her breast and the diaper she put on him immediately slipped off.

It made her feel like shit.

And all her baby boy did when he was in her arms was cry. It was like he wanted nothing to do with her. It was as if he could tell that they didn't have a connection.

Could it be because she didn't speak to him while he was inside her? She completely ignored her pregnancy. She ate well and got herself fit, but at the end of the day, she did not care that she was pregnant.

She didn't read or speak to her son while he was inside her. He didn't recognise her voice.

None of the nurses judged her or ridiculed her for being so detached from her little boy. They were very supportive and helped her until she figured it out. The doctors were reluctant to let her leave the hospital so soon.

They offered her a session with a psychiatrist and the only thing she spoke about was needing to leave the hospital so she could go back to school. She had assignments and deadlines. She called this entire experience a waste of time.

Giving birth to her son had been a waste of time.

Those were the words that came out of her mouth.

The psychiatrist asked her multiple questions, trying to figure out if she'd been a victim of sexual assault or domestic violence.

It was none of the above.

No one wanted this baby or its mother to suffer so they called a next of kin.

"Why didn't you say anything?"