Slave Or King (A Twisted Fairytale)

Chapter 43: Coward

Alexander's POV

"Why? Why can't you be a hero for once? Why can't you just show mercy on the woman you said you love? The woman who is your wife and your child's mother! Why should you be this cruel to me every time?"

Distorted expression, painful hysterical cries. Pleading hopelessly when she knows she will receive no mercy. This image of her, I saw it countless times. This hopeless version of her, I hate it the most. Maybe at first, I enjoyed seeing her like this but now it's painful. It's squeezing my heart, crushing it wholly. I want to submit to her. To resign and fulfill what she expects from me. But... I simply can't.

"This room, do you like its window? I thought that you would probably like to see the sky from here."

She looked at me with eyes that told me she is thinking that I went mad entirely. She is usually good at perceiving my mood and understanding my expressions but today, she is wrong. I'm sane. Maybe in my entire life, I've never been this sane. Right now I can see everything for what it is. I, at this moment, know what is the reason that our relationship can never work normally.

Despite not getting an answer I keep talking, "At first when I modified this room I wanted to keep you in a room with no window, no light, in the darkness, just like myself but after some years away from you, I understood a bird that doesn't see the sky will forget that something blue and beautiful exists out of its cage. When it forgets, it will no longer despise its cage. For a sick person like me, it's the best solution. Let you forget that a beautiful world exists outside, then you will no longer wish to leave me. But...

"What? Is it your pity?" She said, trying her best to find hope even in my ruthless words.

"Pity? No, it was greed rather than pity. I yearn for control. Even if a bird forgets the sky, if someday, someone opens the cage and shows the sky to it, it will remember the sky the first moment it saw it and flies towards it by instinct.

I believe the only time that I can fully possess a person is when I can control every aspect of that person's life even their breathing. I can not control the hope and despair of a bird who is contented with being in a cage. I don't want you to simply forget the sky. I want you to watch that beautiful sky every day and understand you can never open your wings and explore it. To see that there is a world out there I will never let you touch.

After that even if the cage got opened, in your mind the sky that you see while being freed is already the same sky that became an unreachable existence for you, the thing that you always remembered and watched but could not touch. You no longer have the desire to fly to that kind of sky.

In that moment when you realize that, you become mine. Body, mind, heart, soul, everything that someday belonged to you will become mine.

She is shuddering. Taking in my words trying to find a meaning that isn't as vicious as their real meaning. Looking into my eyes to feel any sympathy in them. The sympathy that she won't find. It's not that it's not there, it is but Samael can't show it since he is a ...

"So even the garden that you built exactly as the view of this damned room and the huge window that gave a person the feeling of being near the sky is all parts of your sick game of ownership? Because you are a sick person to your core?"

"I don't deny that I'm sick. But these things have nothing to do with my sickness. I did all of this because..." I can't say it. It's hard to admit something so unsightly to the woman you love but I have to. This is the smallest thing to do for her. For me. For us. To tell what I truly am. What I truly feel.

"Then what the hell is the reason for your current madness?" She asked scornfully. She won't plead with me again. She knows that it's useless, so she doesn't need to beg anymore. She knows as clearly as I do that the illusion is over. Alex is over. Alexander too, the royal prince who covered his hideous crimes in so many excuses and so-called fake righteous reasons no longer exists.