To Be a Broken Smile (sequel to Tumbling Down - DM Fanfic)

Me Against the World (Ch.39)

Six months more without his kisses.
Six months more without his hugs.
Without his sweatshirts that smell like him.
Without his hand holding mine in the car.
Without dance every week.
Without.
Without.
Without.

Dad(through door): Mackenzie, open the door.
Me: No!

I hug my pillow and cry into it.

I hear talking outside my door. I stop sobbing loudly to listen. Is his girlfriend here?

Dad: Well what am I supposed to do?
Mindy: Break it open? I don't know. I'm sure she just has to calm down.
Dad: She can stay up there for a long time. I've seen it.
Mindy: It's fine. What's one day missing from school gonna do?

I like Mindy more than my parents, I swear.

Eventually, they leave me alone, which I'm thankful for. Because I need to talk to Tyler.

I sit at my desk, opening my laptop. When the screen lights up as my desktop, I open Skype.

It says Tyler's online right now, but it could be his sister, who's always using his laptop. I click "Call" anyways.

The computer reaches to connect for about 15 seconds before the screen changes. To my suspicion, Tori's on his laptop. I wipe my eyes in case of tears.

Tori: Hi Kenzie!
Me: Hey, Tori. can you do me a huge favor and put your brother on? I need to talk to him.
Tori: He isn't home.
Me: What?
Tori: Why do you think I'm not in his room? He's not home so he won't yell at me for moving the laptop.
Me: Where is he?
Tori: I dunno.
Me: Okay. I'll try to call him. Thanks Tori.
Tori: Bye!

I click the "End Call" button and put my head in my hands. Tears fall through my fingers to the desk's surface.

I pick up my phone eventually, texting Tyler to "get home because we need to talk". I doubt that warrants urgency but whatever.

An hour and a half later, I get to see his face. But I don't want him to see mine.

Tyler: Tori says you looked upset when you were on Skype with her.
Me: Well, isn't she just a junior psychologist?
Tyler: What's going on?

I didn't think I could cry this much about something so minor. I burst out in tears like girls do in movies.

Tyler: That doesn't give me much.

I lean my elbows on the desk and wipe my eyes, still shaky-voiced.

Me: I'm not coming home.
Tyler: What do you mean?
Me: I went to the doctor today and he said I'm doing really well and they don't want me to get worse so I'm staying even thought they said if I got better I could go home but I can't.

I let out more cries.

Tyler: Are you coming for break?
Me: That's only two weeks! I wanna go home and stay there! I can't not be home for another six months!
Tyler: Is it for sure they're making you stay?
Me: No promises but they may try to work something out. That means yes. I'm staying here. Look, I tried to get them to change their minds but-
Tyler: Mackenzie. It's okay.
Me: No it's not! I want to go home! I want to dance! I want to go to Riverside! I want you.

I cry more.

Tyler: Two more weeks, Kenz. You'll be home in two weeks.
Me: For only two weeks!
Tyler: One of those weeks, Abby's making the team go to a competition, correct?
Me: Yeah. Why?
Tyler: Tell Abby you're coming.
Me: She knows.
Tyler: Tell her again. Say you want to work a lot and see if that changes what's-his-face's opinion.
Me: I doubt it. He thinks dance is good for me but the stress it gives me with school and social life it's not good for me.
Tyler: And that's supposed to make sense?
Me: I guess. I threw a fit and locked myself in my room. Put Maddie's chair under the door so my dad couldn't get in.
Tyler: And you plan on doing this how long?
Me: Until they give me what they want.
Tyler: That may not work.
Me: I called you so you could calm me down, you know.
Tyler: I got you to not be crying. I think pissed off might be a step up.

I roll my eyes.

Tyler: How's everything else? You dad and classes, I mean.
Me: Fine I guess.
Tyler: That's it?
Me: Well I'm not in the mood to do a lot of talking, okay? I just wanna come home.
Tyler: Two weeks. Can you do two more weeks without-
Me: I have to. Doesn't matter if I can or not.
Tyler: Fine.
Me: Do you happen to know how Clara's doing? I haven't talked to her as much as I should have.
Tyler: I'm sure she's fine. It's not your responsibility to-
Me: I've always done that though! I like protecting her.
Tyler: Still. I'll text Kendall. They spend a lot of time together.

I nod, looking down at the keys on the keyboard.

Tyler: Hey, you know how you used to get all mad at me for being around, wanting to help you?
Me: What does that have to do with anything?
Tyler: I want to protect you, just like you want to protect Clara. Sometimes you can't. You have to tell yourself she's okay to keep yourself sane.
Me: But I'm not Clara. She's always had someone to watch out for her. I never did. I'm okay without it. She might not be.
Tyler: Still. Sometimes you have to leave her alone. Even if you don't want to.

I relay this back to him and me. He's always there when I need him, and he's not there when I don't. He gives me space but he's my shoulder to cry on.

And there's when I'm not within two miles of him, and he can't help me when I need it. I never thought about how he felt then.

It must be the me-and-Clara feeling.

When does he need me, and I'm too wrapped up in myself to realize it?

~*~*~*~*~*~

Teacher: This completes your last semester final. You may talk quietly with others until the bell.

I turn to Hannah, and listen to her complain about how hard math is. I mean, I totally agree it sucks, but yeah.

Not even an hour until I get to see Tyler.

The bell rings about 3 minutes later, and I practically run out to Dad's car.

Dad: Someone's excited.
Me: Yeah yeah just drive! Please!

He laughs at me, which causes a tad bit of anger.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Mom and Dad hold a civil conversation for much longer than I want.

I stand antsy, shifting from foot to foot.

Dad: So we have to go see Dr.Parks the 23rd.
Mom: What time? 5:30 as usual?
Dad: I think.

He gets quiet, as if I can't hear him.

Dad: And watch her. Apparently she got really upset when she was told she would be at my house for another semester.
Mom: I thought it was until further notice. We didn't say anything about it only being one semester.
Dad: I know. But she was getting better really quickly so I think Parks wants her to stay.
Mom: We all know she doesn't want that.
Dad: She can't go back and forth either.
Mom: We can see over summer maybe, if she can-
Dad: That's the thing. Over the summer she has no school or dance steadily.
Mom: I dunno. I know she wants to come back here because of that boyfriend of hers. He's a senior and she wants to be with him. Next year it won't matter.

I excuse myself silently to the kitchen as I feel tears.

Even they agree?