Once Upon A Stranger "Islamic Story" #Wattys2016

Chapter 07: The Beginning of the End

Once I was inside, I went fast to my room, I wore my pajamas quickly throwing my clothes on the floor, as much I wish if I could throw all the pain, the sadness and anger that I feel away, on the ground. I wiped the few tears in my eyes and went to the bathroom to make wudua and wash my teeth.

I lay down in my bed, holding the Quran so strong in my arm, closed my eyes so hardly and just stay like that for a while, when I felt ready, I opened my eyes, put the Quran on a pillow and begin reading, I didn't choose what to read , I let it to be a random because I know anything I will read will make me feel better .

It's been three hours, I feel so tired, weak, but I can't sleep, I just can't, knowing where he's, with who he is, it's so much different when you doubt something or hear it from actually seeing it with your own eyes, you can't deny it, the image is in your head now, you can't erase it, you know now, the truth is all clear, you can't lie to yourself, all the hope, the tiny hope that I was attached to, the one I couldn't let go is gone now, over for good.

The hope left me to face the reality alone, they were no more lies or excuses, no more me trying, it's not working, it never did, I was only loosing myself in the middle of that and I will no longer do it.

I turned on the sidelight, and just stayed that way, playing my days since I get engaged until now in my head, excitement, happiness, hope, how did I reach this point of despair? I never felt lonely as I did these last weeks, Elhamdu Li Allah, I have known all this time, that even if there is no human , no one with me, that I have Allah with me, that he won't abandon me or forget me, I know I could talk to him, just like I know he had talked to me through the Quran.

They were times when I felt weak, when I needed a human being to talk to, I couldn't tell my mom the truth, how things were between Yousef and me, I always replayed saying it's all great, thank God. Once, she suspected I wasn't well, I tried hard to convince her that she's wrong and I just had a long day, nothing more, her voice were sad, she said I'm your mother, I know you very well, so don't lie or hide things for me but eventually I convinced her that she was wrong, and she just miss so much like I do, I can't tell her the truth, it will only make her upset and worry, she will feel helpless, she wouldn't know what to do since she is far away from me and I don't want that, it's enough that she miss me, I don't want give her more struggle and pain.

The only one who knows is Mira, my bff, but she doesn't know that much, I have only told her that things are not that perfect or great, but it's okay, I didn't want her to be worried and I don't like talking about others at all, especially if that person is my husband, no matter how he is , no matter how he treats me, I don't represent him, I represent myself.

-STILL AWAKE ?? !!

The first things I heard after seeing the door opened.

-Yes, clearly I'm, I couldn't sleep .

He went to the wardrobe without saying a word, grabbed his pajamas, before he closed the wardrobe I said sarcastically :

-Are you going to change here? I mean I'm just your cousin, so you should maybe get out ?

He turned to me looking angry, then said:

-I am So much not going to do this now, I'm tired, Turn off the light now and lets me sleep.

But I was pissed off and angry to just let go and wait for the morning, I know I wouldn't be able to sleep all night, that my anger will torture me inside if I keep it.

"-DO What ? AND WHAT IS LEFT TO BE SAID ? WHAT PART OF ME HAVEN'T YOU BROKEN YET? AND YOU WANT TO SLEEP, WELL GUESS WHAT !! NO ONE WILL SLEEP TONIGHT."