Summer of Jonnor

The LGBT Parent's Group

Adam looks really uncomfortable, Lena thought, as she took a seat by him in the circle. She looked at the leader of the Anchor Beach Parent's Lesbian Gay Bi-sexual Transgender Support Group, a middle-aged woman named Lisa. "Lisa, this is Adam Stevens. He's recently found out his 13-year old son is gay, and has struggled with homophobia in the past."

Adam smiled wryly. "I wish I could say it was all in the past. To be frank this very hard for me to deal with, but I love my son and want to do what's best for him."

"We're glad you're here, Adam," Lisa said. "I've got a teenage transgender daughter with Asperger's, another daughter, and a ten year old son. And you're not the only one here to have struggles with homophobia, oh, far from it! Bill?"

The man across from Adam spoke up. "When my son ran away it finally hit me. Either I could try to overcome my fear and hatred, or I was going to lose my boy. That's what brought me here."

"And Lena, you've talked about your wife's father before and how he had trouble accepting your relationship with Stef."

Lena nodded. "Yes. He could never really come to terms with her being a lesbian and unfortunately, he died before they ever got a chance to really work it out. I feel like he tried in some ways, but it would have been nice for him to come around."

Adam took Lena's arm supportively. "I didn't know that." He folded his arms again. "In any case, I don't want that to happen with my son. I don't want him to hate or fear me." He looked down at the ground. "And to be honest, I know he has done both."

"You can definitely get there, Adam," Lisa said. "First you'll need to confront it inside yourself, and we'll help you do that. It may be a bit uncomfortable at times, but this is a safe group and we all know each other well. If you're totally honest,  the process will ultimately go faster and mostly, this is about being honest with yourself, not just us. If you can't trust yourself, you'll never trust your boy, and he'll know that."

Adam nodded.

"For most of us, the reason why we are homophobic is that we see something in ourselves that we hate," Bill added. "Did you ever have same sex feelings when you were younger, or did something happen?"

Adam bit his lip. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Lena supportively took his arm. "Yes. How did you know?"

"Because it was like that for me. When I was about your son's age, there was another boy that I was friends with. I was exploring my sexuality, and to be perfectly honest with you, I later realized I've always been bi-sexual. One day I wrote a note to my friend, and my dad found out about it. He didn't do anything to me, but he threatened to hurt my friend for 'making me do gay stuff' which was a vile lie. But that made the point to me, I buried those feelings deep inside and sealed them in a box of rage."

"And it took Bill over a year before he shared that with us," Lisa said, "so you're off to a great start, Adam. You must really want to help your son."

Adam seemed lost in thought, and then nodded. "I did have some feelings when I was growing up, but it was very confusing. They felt wrong to me and I hated the thought of not being, well, normal. So later when I was afraid I was seeing those same things in Connor I over-reacted. In hindsight I just made it worse because it only made him more determined to be with Lena's son Jude. He actually ended up sneaking out and getting shot. He's going to be okay, but that's what finally drove him to tell me he's gay."

Lena frowned, remembering the night in question all too well. "Why don't you tell us all what happened next, Adam?"

He looked down at the ground, and then looked around at all of them.

"Take as long as you need, Adam," Lisa said. "There's no judgment here. We leave that to God."

"I didn't tell Lena the truth. I told her that Connor had said to me it was Jude's idea to sneak out and drink, when he did nothing of the sort. And I told Lena I didn't want Jude and Connor to be friends." He sighed. "I realize now how miserable Connor was. When Jude came to the hospital and stood up to me, well, to be honest I never liked him that much. But I did understand he was doing it for Connor. Lena came over, and I told her I wanted Jude to be gone. When I came back with my coffee, I saw her comforting Jude, and, I don't know. I realized I was missing something with Connor. Then she talked to me and got me to see that this wasn't about Connor, or Jude. It was about me. Me not wanting a gay son."

"Why don't you want a gay son, Adam?" Lisa asked. "What's terrifying to you about that?"

"I thought he'd grow up, get married, have kids—"

Bill interrupted. "He'll be able to do all those things as a gay man. Look at Lena's family."

Adam thought for a moment and nodded.

"What made you decide to come here, Adam?" Lisa asked.

"When I allowed Jude to see my son, you should have seen Connor's face. It was like the sun rising. And I knew then, that I had to find a different way to deal with this, because I want him to be happy."

Lena gave him a supportive arm squeeze. "You're in the right place to find a different way to deal with this."

He looked into her eyes. "Yeah, I know."