A journal of adventures

Suicide

I'm pretty sure the title says it all. Do not read further if you are uncomfortable with mentions of deaths, mentions of suicide, suicide attempts, self harm, self harming thoughts and... I think that's pretty much it?

Also, just as a kind reminder, because I don't wanna upset anyone: This is MCQ!CQ.
Not the real one.
This is a fictional character inspired on a very real person, but that's pretty much where the connection ends.
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How long has it been?
How long has it been since they died?

CQ didn't know.
She didn't care.
After the three died, the world had turned gray.
There was no joy anymore, no happiness.

Just gray.

People might greet her upon seeing her on the street, but it didn't bring the same nervous, but also happy feeling anymore.

CQ sat in her house, on the couch, staring at the TV, which wasn't even on.
They had always sat here and watched TV.

She missed their bickering.
She missed their discussions.
She missed seeing them.
She couldn't do this anymore.

Why did they have to die?
Why? Why? Why? Why?

The World wasn't fair.
And now CQ would never see her sons again.
She would never hear their voices again.
Never again, never again.
What was it even worth living?
Everything lost it's worth, it's shine.

It was her fault, wasn't it?

It was.

She could've done more for Geno.
Maybe he would've survived his sickness then.
And maybe Error and Fresh wouldn't have killed themselves together then.

But she didn't.
Because she was dumb.
And now they were gone.
Was this a punishment of some sort?
It certainly felt like it.

She deserved all the pain.

CQ's eyes wandered to the kitchen.

Maybe she should punish herself.
Maybe she should punish herself and then also leave this world for good.

This seemed like a good idea.

Slowly stood the woman up, heaving her body over to the kitchen, to slump against the counter.

Her shacking hand reached for a knife, it now laying in her hand.
Was this really a good idea?
No, but it was, what she deserved.

The woman pressed almost monotonously the blade of the knife against her arm, not far away from her artery.
In the end she could cut it and... it would be it.
Slowly but surely, she slid the blade over her arm, a burning feeling spreading.
Blood dripped quietly down, creating a small blood puddle.

CQ had counted until 5 or so, when suddenly the doorbell rang.
Hastily threw CQ the knife into the sink and rushed to the bathroom, sloppily warping bandages around her arm, before rushing to her room and pulling a hoodie over her head.
She then went to the door, opening it.

Asy stood there, a not very well hidden, worried expression on his face.
Upon seeing her, he smiled at her. ,,CQ! I was already worried that you... weren't at home! It's nice seeing you. Comyet and I wanted to go watch a movie, wanna join?"

CQ sighed. ,,Asy... I appreciate it, but I really don't feel up for it."
Asy waved it away, like it was unimportant.
,,Aw, Come on! It will be fun!" He said in a cheering manner and dragged CQ on her arm (Which hurt. A lot.) to his car.