All I wanted was you..

Us

I never thought I would find love.

Actual, gutting wrenching, can't live, make you do insane things kind of love.

After all the bad that happened I didn't think it was possible.

Then...there he was messy and broken just the same as me.

Then gone just as fast, sometimes I think he was a figment of my imagination but if he was it wouldn't hurt this much...still after almost a year.

I focused on everything but him.

I orchestrated a baby shower for Dan and Cor at my house

"Okay Cordy we have everything set up. Food is out, snack and desserts, the balloons just got here so all we have to do is wait for everyone to show up."

"Belinda Morgan you are a gift from heaven!"

"Nah I just know you couldn't do this by yourself."

"True haha. Hey I wanted to ask you something before everyone arrives."

"Yeah sure shoot."

"Well me and Dan have been talking over somethings and baby stuff and we were-"

"Yeah?"

"We were wondering if you wanted to be the baby's godmother?"

"Say what again?"

"Godmother...to the baby. We owe all this to you. I wouldn't even have met Dan if it wasn't for you or given him a chance. We couldn't think of anyone better for the job."

"Cordelia...I don't know what to say."

"Just say yes."

"Of course! "

One by one everyone who wanted to celebrate Dan and Cor's baby showed up and had a great time. Even someone I didn't even know they had invited.

I was rearranged and refilling the pastries when I saw that face of his.

He was searching the entire party looking for someone and then his eyes landed on me.

I finished setting up the pastries and excused myself and did what I do best...I ran.

I ran into my home and to my room and let all those feelings flood over me.

All the ones I tried to fight and bury and pretend aren't there anymore.

"Belinda?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I just I came-"

"Who allowed you in the house no one is allowed in here."

"Lovely please."

"Don't you dare call me that Robert. Don't waltz in here and expect things to be as they were because they aren't."

"I know I just came to see congratulate Dan and Cordelia on their baby...and I was hoping maybe we can talk..."

"About-about what?"

"Us."

"Us there is no us Robert. You ended us period."

"I know I just...I miss...you."

My heart dropped.

"Don't do this to me."

"Do what?"

"You stop believing in us. You broke my heart and then you did it over the phone...I deserved more than that."

"Belinda I know. I was just scared.."

"Of what?"

"Going through all of that again. Like Kristen."

"I never would have done that to you. Ever."

"But those photos..."

"Gosh you really believe that don't you? You know what I want you to go and forget you ever met me."

"You can't possibly mean that."

"Please just go."

It was all just too much.

All of it.

"Robert..."

"Yeah?"

"Those photos....they were from 4 years ago...when Nathan and I were dating...he wanted his 15 minutes of fame. No matter the cost."

"I still-"

"Don't. Just go."

"Tell Dan and Cor that I am really happy for them and sorry I couldn't stay."

I watched him walk out the door thinking that was the last I was going to see of him...but life...life had other plans. It always does.

"BELINDA!! BELINDA GET DOWN HERE NOW!!"