Empire

Chapter Thirty One - Wade

Wade ~

It had been over a week since Cassie had stormed out of my apartment and I hadn't seen or heard from her which wasn't surprising in the least.

There were several functions and parties that she should have attended, but didn't and I can't say that I blame her.

Sitting at my desk, I stared out the window at the skyline, knowing that Cassie was working in one of those tall buildings in the distance.

Revealing my true intentions to Cassie was supposed to be satisfying. It was supposed to quench some unconscious need of mine and solidify my worth, but when I saw the look of betrayal in Cassie's eyes, I didn't feel relief or satisfaction...I fucking hated myself.

When Bennett died, I saw an opportunity to fill a subconscious need for her approval that had plagued me for years. I thought in order to do that I had to get revenge. I had to make her see that I was worthy of her time and attention, but the way I did it...betraying her the way I did...I couldn't live with myself.

I hadn't slept in days and finished off my third cup of coffee that morning, trying desperately to stay awake just to get through the day. I spent every night that week getting too drunk to function, only to scrape myself off the bathroom floor and go into the office for as long as I could stand it. Dark circles formed under my eyes and I rubbed my face, raking my palm harshly across my skin as I sat back in my chair.

I'm such a fucking asshole.

Every time I tried to work, all I could picture was Cassie's face. She had gone through so many emotions right in front of me. I watched despair gather in her eyes and tears pool, but she refused to cry, holding herself together and forcing the sadness from her body. Her sorrow dissolved into fury and I watched it all happen...I did that to her.

Looking over in the direction of her building, I wondered how she was doing - if she had even shown up to work. Was the crying alone in her apartment? Was she struggling as badly as I was? Probably worse. I hurt her and I couldn't stand the sound of my own heart beating because of it.

Pushing away from my desk, I stood abruptly, feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.

"Fuck." I muttered under my breath, knowing I wasn't going to get a thing done that day.

I had no idea where I was going, but I knew I needed to get out of that office before I had a nervous break down. 

"I'm going for a walk." I said to the receptionist who nodded at me as I stormed out. 

"When will you be back?" she asked.

"I don't fucking know."

It was the truth. I didn't know where the hell I was going, so there was no way of knowing when I'd be back.

I wanted to disappear into thin air - for the ground to open up and swallow me whole because I couldn't live with what I'd done. Maybe this was what I deserved, maybe it was my fate to walk the earth feeling the impact of guilt after what I'd done to Cassie. Maybe I wasn't supposed to feel better. I didn't deserve to be happy.

My steps were slow and I had to blink the blurry exhaustion from my eyes as I walked aimlessly down the street, pulling a flask from my pocket that was mostly empty, taking one last pull and tossing it to the ground once the contents was gone.

I wasn't sure where I was going, I just followed my own feet, walking in a direction that wasn't so random after all.

Cassie's building came into view a few blocks away and I realized that I had walked directly to her. I stopped in my tracks, staring up at the high rise, letting out a hard sigh. I didn't know how long I stood there, looking up at nothing, letting people brush past me as their lives continued and mine just...stopped.