Nothing can fix me

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"Now you see, you feel what love does to you. Fucking weak" he growls into the phone. I stand with it pressed to my ear but no piece of emotion resting on my face.

It's been an entire 3 months. My body somehow moves without meaning. I know it's stupid but I can't be myself anymore. Sebastian tries everyday, Marcus watches in horror as my personality slips from my grip each day more.

I haven't talked to him since last month. I've lost all image of him or what he sounds like. It happened to fast and now all I can think about are the parts and words that involve him. Things that remind me of the special aroma he brought.

That's gone. I press my forehead to the concrete wall and swallow the roughness in my throat, "The fuck are you calling me for? To shove it deeper down my throat!" I say. The anger and weakness spilling into the phone.

He laughs lowly and hums with offence. "See what it does, what it makes you! Oh Michelle I've been waiting for this part of you to shine. I always knew you had it!" He exclaims.
I stiffen my jaw and lock eyes with the officer. He's staring as if time isn't enough before I get off this call.

"This part of me? Really, no it's you. The part that you want so bad is a fucking replica of yourself. Go fuck yourself!" I scream. Slamming the phone back into its holder and tightening my fingers between my palms.

I breath roughly and feel the ground vibrate with heavy steps towards me. His handcuffs rub and bang together and my body slowly comes back to time with them. When they stop, I look up at him with nothing. "You can't bang the phone sweetheart" he says with an irritating grin.

I narrow my eyes faintly and stare at him. "I can't? sorry officer, let me try again" I say. Taking the phone with my fingers and slamming it even harder.

My eyes are pinned to his and his jaw bites down in anger. "Are you fucking serious?" He growls. Grabbing me by the shoulders and pushing me against the wall. I grunt lowly and stare up at him with blankness.

His chest is bouncing up and down and the rough breathes he takes hit against my face. "Do something. Hit or rape me I don't care, just make me fucking feel something!" I cry. Tears swallowing my eyes and crawling up my throat.

I bite down and exhale a rough sob.
When his grip slowly weakens I bang my fists against his chest and try prying his hands back onto me. "Do it!" I scream. My tears chopping my voice and stuttering my breathes.

Fear posses his body and guilt runs around his lips. He shakes his head and pushes me away. He takes two steps before turning around and distancing himself.

I roll myself down the wall and drop my face into my palms. I cry aggressively and grunt with anger. Everything hurts. My heart aches but even if I wanted to, nothing could come close to actually fixes it.

My eyes begin to ache and throb and my fingers can't keep up with all the emotions I try pushing away. I curl my legs to my chest and empty all the pain I've been keeping inside.

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