Under your angelic body

Guilty

"Holy shit," Cameron exclaims from behind the camera as she runs towards Layla while the visual picture tumbles out of focus just before the camera turns off.

A radiant angel? A precious flower?

Nurtured and allowed to bloom?

I can't recall another time in my life when so many emotions swirled through my head. I feel an intense rage towards Jennie and an incredible guilt over Layla. But aside my remorse, I'm also seeing Layla in a new light; I witnessed a side of Layla that I never realized existed.

She has a backbone, evident by the way she stands up to someone much powerful and stronger than she is. She has confidence. However, what stands out most of all were the words flowing out of her mouth in the same way a poet might have weaved a poem; words that came from her heart that I was never meant to hear. Each word of beauty and admiration she spoke was purely about me.

I'm still too stunned for any type of reaction. My first instinct is to call Jennie and chew her ass out, which is quickly overridden by an intense desire to skip the phone and drive over there in person so I can talk to her.

On the flipside, I want to bolt out of Layla's room and chase her down to beg for her forgiveness. I'm not sure I could do that; I'm scared to face her after doubting her story. I curse, realising too late I should have listened to that nagging feeling in the back of my head. What good is it that the only reason I now believed her is because I saw the proof displayed before my very eyes on the computer screen? I missed my chance.

Carmen is still frozen in place; her hands hovering a foot above the keyboard, not wanting to make any sudden movements, much like helpless prey stalked by a hungry predator.

My hand goes up to my forehead. "Holy fucking shit."

"Um, I think you already said that," Carmen says meekly.

Having forgotten Carmen was in the room and now alerted to her presence, makes me throw her a dirty look. Carmen cringes, attempting to slide her chair back subtly but only succeeding in accidentally bumping it into the wall. I need to clear my head; I'm not in a condition to chase either Jennie or Layla.

"Do you have other clips of Layla? I want to see them," I try to say it calmly, brushing a strand of golden hair out of my forehead.

Carmen stutters, unable to form even a complete word.

"WELL?" I snap.

Startled, Carmen pounces on her keyboard. "Y-yea, I have a few clips; hold on, hold on..."

"Ok, here's one," she says, clicking play:

"Carmen, put that thing away. I'm trying to study," Layla says.

"Come on, say something. Say anything! How was he?"

"He was kind of a snot, actually."

"Girl, we're talking about Jung fucking Hoseok. Everyone knows that; that's not the point. What did he say? What did he do? What was he wearing?"

Carmen looks down at her lap and scratch the back of her head, refusing to look up as her words on the video reach my ears.

"He unbuttoned his blouse. It was buttoned all the way up the entire day. But when he approached me, he had a few buttons undone. I think he was trying to add incentive for me to agree to tutor him."

I had no idea until now that Layla really did notice me ploy to seduce and trick her into helping me with my study. How did she know? She seemed so clueless at so many things, and at the time I pitied her for it. But she knew all along what I was up to. It was really a rotten thing to do, and I know it. So why am I unable to resist the slight upward curve of my lips, thinking about Layla's every effort to use all of her mental powers in an attempt to resist my charm, and why am I not feeling guilty?

"Fuck that. If he was opening them up to you, no need to be a gentlewoman."

Carmen closes her eyes and scrunches her nose, as if trying to brace herself from an inevitable punch to the face.

"Ok, you want the truth? There's something about him I can't put my finger on. He puts on a front like he has it all figured out, but I sense some kind of insecurity in him. That's probably why he comes across as a spoiled brat he chooses to be one."

Her words sting me deep.

"Hey, I said put that thing down. You're not actually filming this, are you?"

The screen goes blank, snapping me back to reality. I've never felt so cherished before this moment in my entire life, not even from my own parents. I smile at Layla's ignorance to the camera and her beautiful, honest confession. My heart flutters as I recall her sweet, sincere words.

For a moment I consider asking Carmen to play that part, over and over. I would have, if my burning desire to see the rest of the footage and understand more about Layla didn't override my tender and soft spots.

Carmen doesn't even bother looking up.

"More," I snap with an angry voice, stifling my smile.

"Hoseok, I..."

"Did I stutter?"

She sighs, "This is the last one I have."

As Carmen presses play, the first thing I notice is Layla rolling her eyes. She giggles; it isn't often I see her do anything like that. My own eyes gloss over as I listen to her speak:

"It's not like that. He wouldn't give me the time of day if I asked to kiss his feet. Don't get me wrong, though, he's a good guy. He's a lot different than I thought he'd be. He puts up a front he can be one of the popular guys, but he's kind and giving and compassionate."

Carmen snaps, "Then why is he with that bitch Jennie, over there?"

The camera zooms in on the other side of the courtyard with my arm draped around Jennie. Carmen pans the camera back to Layla, capturing the disappointed look on her face as she watches me and Jennie together.

It stings to see a heartbroken Layla. She was longing for me, and I didn't even notice. As I watch myself laughing on video, holding and hugging Jennie in celebration of my victory over my exams, I feel so awful that I almost tell Carmen to turn it off. I don't know why it never occurred to me before, but the realisation hits me hard: I should have been celebrating with Layla instead. If it wasn't for Layla, I wouldn't have a reason to celebrate.

"Girl, I hate being the one to tell you, but you know he's using you. Right?"

Layla delays her response, but nods, "Maybe. You're probably right. I know at first he started out using me, and that's fine, but I just can't quite tell if he was or not at the end. He probably was, but only subconsciously at least. I mean, he definitely reciprocated, buying me clothes and taking me to the gym. The human mind can be a tricky thing. Did I tell you he apologized to me once?"

"I never used...," I begin before my voice chokes up. "How could she think...?"

As the video fades to black, Carmen tells me, "That's everything."

For a moment, I pace back and forth in the room. My hands go up to my head as if I have a headache, but in reality I'm trying to process everything I've just seen. Jennie isn't who I thought she was, and Layla certainly isn't who I thought she was either. Both for very completely different reasons.

Carmen is stunned too. "Are you ok?"

That's enough to snap me out of it. Looking at Carmen, I ask, "Where did she go? I have to find her and talk to her."

She shrugs, "I don't know, try the library? Or maybe she just went out to take a walk to cool down?"

Without further thinking, I bolt out of the room and out of the house.