When Mrs. Infamous Loved The Masochist... (BOOK 2)

Chapter 30

I stopped having Finn help me with studying using the excuse that I didn't need extra help and I could manage my time well. He was disappointed, but knew he wasn't going to change my mind. The only time we spent nowadays were when we had classes together and needed to work on assignments with each other. Over time, he apologized and claimed he was scared of adapting to a new environment and wasn't sure he'd fit in in a place like Querencia. I told him that it was a very accepting place and there are many good people here than expected. He said, "Yeah, I believe you. I just wish I had your confidence to open up to them." He looked sad and disappointed in himself at that moment, so I laid a hand on his arm and reassured him, "It might take a little time for you to adjust, but I hope you'll be able to find good company here and find someplace you feel most comfortable in." He nodded and replied with, "Seems like you've achieved that goal effortlessly."

Later that day, I had work and it was expected for business to be busier now that it was December and the holiday season was in full swing. I asked for a week off between Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve so I could spend it with my friends and loved ones. Ryan said it's possible as I keep working constant hours I am now. When the day was done for me, I decided to visit someplace that holds special memories for me. I got in my car and drove for almost an hour to the old abandoned church that was near the edge of the town and means many things to me. When I got there, I stepped out of my car and put on Remington's leather jacket before walking toward the large doors at the entrance and letting myself enter. It was a little dark but the moonlight shining from the stained glass windows shone through providing enough light for me to see. I walked through the main lobby and looked around, remembering each detail that reminded me of something important from my life here in Querencia.

As I was close to the end, I took a seat on one of the benches that were all the way in front of the congregation. Staring at the beautiful stained glass, I held my hand up and focused on my promise ring that Remington gave to me earlier this year. My God, it's been a year since we've become a couple and I can somehow picture a future with him. That's so crazy considering I had no plans of falling in love when I came here. No one ever told me that love would make you feel a million things and you may feel like you're going insane. Am I in danger of losing my focus on my career? Or am I just feeling these things because I've never been in a relationship such as this? I was giving myself a headache just thinking about these things that I laid back on the bench and got lost in my thoughts. I wondered if Remington ever pictures a future with me in it.

Remington's POV

Sitting alone in my hotel room after another long and draining session at the studio, I scribbled new song lyrics that might be used in the future to distract myself. Sebastian had claimed that despite how much the studio would pay for us for this first record, we wouldn't be able to continue playing for a hotel. He suggested that since we'll be spending more of our time now recording music here in L.A., we should find a place to live in whenever we come here to work. Me and Emerson didn't like the idea very much, but we knew it was the smart decision so we went ahead and agreed with him. Still, I was stressed out that I wouldn't be home as often as I wanted to and that meant I wouldn't be able to see ma chérie as much. God, I didn't think it would be this hard to stay separated for so long. She would be my place of comfort and always makes me feel like I belong on this Earth.

I started thinking more about Carina then, and even opened my locket where her picture was hiding. I smiled as I admired her sweet and adorable smile, her beautiful red hair, and those eyes that I could get lost in forever and be happy to never leave. How I wished she were here with me, in my bed, wrapping her around me like I helped her feel safer. I never thought I could make a girl feel like that and to see Carina look at me like I mean something special to her, is worth everything to me. A dark part of me wanted to see how she would look underneath me, exposed and vulnerable, and I was the only one who could make her feel such pleasure and passion. I pushed those thoughts out due to the fear that she might be scared I was rushing her to fulfill a desire I've been holding in since we've been separated like this.

Still, in a more pure sense, I wanted her to know that there is no woman after her and I would do whatever it takes to make her feel happy and safe. I wanted to wake up the next morning with her still enwrapped in my arms and looking like the most serene angel after such a beautiful night together. Because that feeling - both of us together in bed with a heavenly feeling in our hearts - will bring me a feeling that's similar to what it might be like when we get married someday. I know I couldn't ask now because she has goals of her own and I didn't want to get in her way, but I still had hope to make her a part of my life and family in a more permanent way, and work hard everyday to make her the happiest woman on Earth. I hoped that she would open her heart just enough to let me be the one she can rely on for anything and be the one she can turn to when things don't go her way. I couldn't wait for the day we'd both be ready for me to ask her that big question.