Time and Again

[10] Mysterious Matilda

I went back to the manor to ask forgiveness to my father. When I arrived at the gate, I saw the guards bullying an old madwoman. They laughed at her and urged her to dance while they were singing and clapping their hands. That madwoman was Matilda. She was the known lunatic in our town. There were stories circulating about her that her insanity started when her husband left her. I didn’t know exactly what happened to her. But whoever she was or whatever happened to her, they didn’t have any right to bully her. She was still a human being like us. She brandished her cane to protect herself from the bully bastards.

I reprimanded the guards and asked them to stop bullying her. Their expressions were a look of surprise as if they had seen a ghost. At my words, they stopped bullying Matilda. I helped her stand up again.

“Thank you.” Matilda said.

I didn’t think she’s a madwoman with the way she thanked me.

“You’re welcome.”

She looked at me straight in the eyes and touched my cheek with her filthy hand.

“One day child, you will live happily ever after with the love of your life.”

I didn’t comprehend what she was trying to tell me. She took her cane and walked away. I looked at her as she walked limply. Her words sent shiver through my spine. What was she talking about? What did she mean? I knew I was happily married. I swore to myself that I would stay with Emile until death do us part. And that’s what forever kind of love meant to me. Her words seemed to be a mind-boggling jigsaw puzzle especially that my present circumstances were so messy. However difficult our lives were, I still felt certain that we could make it through.

I went directly inside my bedroom. I took all my jewelries, money, and some clothes. I needed all those things for survival. My husband was so poor. He couldn’t even hardly feed himself. I didn’t know how we’re going to help ends meet in case we would have children.

I wanted to see my father to check if he was doing fine. When I went to the living room, my father saw me.

“Where do you think you’re going, woman?”

“I took the things that rightfully belongs to me.”

“I don’t think that this house nor anything inside it still belongs to you. I already sold all my properties including this house and our hacienda to Don Armando to pay my debt.”

“I know. I’m sorry for stealing the money and jewelries. If you want, I can give it back to you.”

“There’s no need for you to return the things that you already took. Just keep it so that you have something to spend in the future in case your husband can no longer feed you.”

“I’m so sorry, Papa.”

Tears started to quiver between my eyelids.

“I know that you were forced to sell our properties because I refused to marry Don Armando.” 

I hugged my father.

“Are you happy with your decision? You refused to marry a rich old man and marry a poor peasant instead. I hope that you will not regret your foolishness in the future.”

“I hope you can forgive me Papa.”

“Sorry will not make it anymore. The damage had been done.”

“Will you ever forgive? Tell me, what I need to do to gain your forgiveness.”

“I told you there’s nothing you can do.”

“I’m so sorry for being selfish and stupid.”

“Well, I have already forgiven you even though you haven’t ask for my forgiveness not because I have to but because I deserve peace of mind.”

“Thank you. Where are you going to stay afterwards?”

“Maybe I’ll build a small hut in the mountain. I was born in poverty, maybe I will also die in poverty. I thought at first that I could dodge poverty and change my life forever. But I was foolish for thinking so. The height of my ambition that raised me up to the top of the world was also the height of my downfall.”

“Your downfall happened because of me.”

“You don’t have to blame yourself. You should be thankful that you did not suffer the painful pangs of poverty from the day that you were born. All the bountiful things you enjoyed was indebted to Don Armando. He lent me 1,000,000 pesos to start a business. It was prosperous during the first three years. The business deteriorated when your mother died. I didn’t know why. My debt piled up every year until I was forced to pawn the hacienda. We agreed that if I cannot pay my debt in the next five years, then he will get all my assets. Time flew so fast. I was still not able to pay my debt. Don Armando visited me in our manor to collect his dues. When he saw you, he changed his mind. He wanted to marry you instead. He asked for your hand in marriage. I was thinking that it’s either I did not comprehend his meaning or he was just joking. I said yes. When Carlos Miguel showed up the next day, I thought that what he meant is marrying you off to his grandson. I made a final decision to marry you off because Carlos Miguel is so handsome and so rich. I thought that everything was already been settled. But I was horrified the next day when Don Armando showed up again and clarified everything to me. I have no choice but to marry you off not because I wanted to be free from my debt but because I don’t want you to experience poverty and suffer like me when I was young. Since you made a foolish decision to elope with a peasant who’s poorer than a country mouse, it’s up to you on how you’re going to face the consequences. Life is what you made it.”

“If only I could turn back the time.”

“Stop it, Isabel. There’s nothing you can do now. You better look forward for the future. Maybe you might find a slight chance to change your destiny.”

I cried harder.

“I can’t bear the thought of living you alone, Papa. You can stay with us so that we can take good care of you. Maybe we can make another room for you.”

“I don’t want to meddle with your life anymore. You’re already old enough Isabel. I’m already old. I don’t need any material things anymore. I already enjoyed enough of it. My days are numbered. I wanted to spend the rest of my days in isolation.”

“I love you, Papa. Please let me know where you will be staying so that I can pay you a visit. We just live in the tree house near Inambakan Falls. You can visit us there so that we will know your whereabouts.” 

I couldn’t remember when was the last time I said ‘I love you’ to my father. I sincerely meant it. I wanted him to know how I felt for him before it’s too late. 

My father hugged me tightly. 

“Bear this in mind, no matter what you did, you are still my daughter. I love you no matter what. Hurry up and take your loot now before Don Armando will see you. Don’t hesitate to take everything you need. Please take good care.”

I took all my money and jewelries with me and put them inside my sack. For the remaining space, I fill it up with the rest of my vintage clothes. I was not able to take all my possession with me. I only took whatever I could carry inside my sack. I felt a separation anxiety with the rest of my clothes . 

“Isabel.” 

I was startled when my father called me.

“Please don’t come back in here anymore the next day to get the things you’ve left behind. I’ll hand our manor to Don Armando tomorrow. Please take care. If you need anything from me, please don’t hesitate to visit my small nipa hut in the mountain. I promise I’ll go running for you.”

I hugged my father for one more time. It was my first time to live away from him. He was the most valuable possession I ever had.